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He’s behaving like a kid with his hands over his ears chanting ‘la-la-la-la’ but he’s got his presentation today. It’s a lot of pressure and he needs to be in the right headspace.
‘Cameron?’ Matteo stops his own treadmill before stepping off it.
Cameron paces across the floor of the gym, shaking out his arms like he can flick away the thoughts Matteo is planting in his head. Well, if he’s being honest, less like planting and more like giving them permission to bloom. It’s not like he hasn’t been sporadically slammed with visions this week of him and Jules still together far in the future.
‘Not gonna lie, I’m a little worried by this reaction.’ Matteo gestures at Cameron. ‘This doesn’t seem like a man who’s got his shit together.’
Cameron laughs. ‘I do. I’m fine. Why does no-one believe that?’
‘Uh, because you do things like jump off moving treadmills to avoid talking about your feelings.’
‘There are no feelings to talk about.’ The lie twists worse now he’s aware of it, like a giant fist grinding his organs.
Matteo rolls his entire head along with his eyes. ‘I’ve been friends with you for years. I know the signs. You like Jules. What’s the issue? Why aren’t you trying to make anything more of what you have with her? You guys seem to work well together. I mean, if I didn’t know about your fling thing, I’d guess you were already a couple.’
‘Well, we’re not. So.’ Cameron pivots and retraces his path across the floor. His limbs feel jittery.
‘Look, man.’ Matteo steps into his path and he draws to a halt. ‘I went easy on you the other day because you were clearly fixated on this thing with Jules being a fling, but you’ve been emotionally invested the entire time. There’s nothing wrong with that. Bottling up emotions again, however …’
Cameron frowns. ‘If you’ve been talking to my sisters this time—’
‘I haven’t been but I probably agree with everything they’ve said. Look.’ Matteo drops his hands onto Cameron’s shoulders. ‘You’re a great guy, you deserve a great woman who makes you feel a million bucks. Is Jules not that woman? Because from what I can see in your face when you’re thinking about her, or talking about her, she is.’
Cameron ducks under Matteo’s arms and resumes his pacing. ‘Jules is great. She’s fantastic. So is what we have, just like this. We know what we are to each other. We have clearly defined boundaries and expectations. The sex is awesome. I know exactly what she wants from me and it’s a body, not a boyfriend.’
Matteo clears his throat. ‘Are we still talking about Jules?’
‘Yes.’ Cameron fists his hands into his hair, spinning to face his friend.
Matteo’s disbelief is clearly communicated by the shape of his eyebrows.
Cameron deflates. ‘No.’
‘Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. Let’s backtrack a little.’ Matteo sits on one of the padded weight benches and pats the one parallel to it.
Cameron eyes the bench like it’s got fangs. This feels like it’s about to be a deep and meaningful conversation, like the kind he had yesterday with Jules. Two in as many days is a lot, but Matteo stares him down until he relents and takes a seat. This grinding feeling inside him is crap. He has to get rid of it before his presentation.
‘You agreed to the fling,’ Matteo says, ‘so you must like her in some way.’
‘Of course. She’s … Jules. I like being with her.’
‘Why?’
‘She’s nice.’
‘A little more, man. Come on.’
Cameron exhales and rubs his knuckles under his jaw. It’s not hard to list her attributes when he lets himself think of them. ‘She’s incredibly smart. Funny. Kind of has a dry humour. So beautiful. She loves music as much as I do. She makes me … I don’t know, happy. Comfortable.’
Matteo hums, nodding sagely like he’s a therapist and Cameron’s laid out on his couch. ‘Funny how none of that was sexual.’
‘Shit.’ Cameron’s eyes widen. Busted.
Matteo nods slowly. ‘See what I’m saying now?’
‘Shit,’ Cameron repeats. Why couldn’t he have answered Matteo’s questions with his lower brain. Then he’d be able to avoid what surely comes next.
‘You do like her. You’re just holding back because you’re afraid.’
