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Not now.
Seated on a chair next to his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, Elliot tried his very best to ignore Darcy who was sat next to Miss de Bourgh, talking quietly with her. It was impossible though! Elliot seemed to know where Darcy was at any given moment even without looking. It was almost like the time apart had tuned Elliot’s senses so that he would always be aware of the alpha’s location.
A fancy!
A nonsense!
And yet, that was how it felt.
It took quite some effort, but Elliot managed to keep his gaze firmly away from the other man, to not look over his fine form, or his tousled, dark hair, or those very intense eyes. Had they always looked that way? Elliot could not rightly recall.
Miss de Bourgh laughed, she had a very pretty laugh, and Darcy did too. The sound affected Elliot in quite a curious fashion, and he was beyond grateful when Colonel Fitzwilliam, a large, slightly ruddy-faced beta, began a discussion about the joys to be found in Kent and Hertfordshire, of travelling and staying at home, of new books and music. He had an energetic, engaging tone so that before long Elliot was able to unclench his fists slightly and make some useful remarks of his own. This drew Lady Catherine’s notice as well as that of Darcy. Elliot knew, somehow he just knew, that Darcy’s eyes had been repeatedly turned towards them with a look of curiosity and that her ladyship, after a while, shared the feeling, was more openly acknowledged, for she did not scruple to call out.
“What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Mr. Bennet? Let me hear what it is.”
“We are speaking of music, madam,” he said, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
“Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation if you are speaking of music. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste.” She gave a dramatic sigh. “If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient. And so would Anne if her health had allowed. I am confident that she would have performed delightfully. How does Georgiana get on, Darcy?”
Darcy spoke with affectionate praise of his sister’s proficiency. His words were perfectly neutral and yet the effect on Elliot was not. His body shivered slightly in response to them. It did not shiver at anyone else’s words. Elliot clenched his fists again.
“I am very glad to hear such a good account of her,” Lady Catherine said. “And pray tell her from me, that she cannot expect to excel if she does not practice a good deal.”
“I assure you,” Darcy replied, “that she does not need such advice. She practices very constantly.”
“So much the better. It cannot be done too much and when I next write to her, I shall charge her not to neglect it on any account. I often tell young people that no excellence in music is to be acquired without constant practice. I have told Mr. Collins several times that he will never play really well unless he practises more, and though he has no instrument, he is very welcome, as I have often told him, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson’s room. He would be in nobody’s way, you know, in that part of the house.”
Darcy looked a little startled by that and caught Elliot’s eye. Elliot looked away immediately, but he could feel Darcy continuing to stare at him.
When coffee was over, Colonel Fitzwilliam reminded Elliot of having promised to play to him, which Elliot had only agreed to as a jape during their conversation on musical types, nevertheless Elliot sat down directly to the instrument, grateful for the opportunity to look at something that wasn’t Darcy! It was very old and very beautiful pianoforte and may have been the finest one Elliot had ever played on. His skills would not do it justice.
Colonel Fitzwilliam drew a chair nearby. Lady Catherine listened to half a song only, and then talked, as before, to her other nephew until Darcy eventually made his way also over to the pianoforte also.
Elliot’s heart continued to race, and he had to take a very deep breath to calm himself. His playing was mediocre at best, being tense would not help matters. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to confront Darcy head on…to be teasing and light-hearted and pretend that he didn’t want Darcy to speak just to him, that he didn’t want him to take his hand again, to be close once more, to be wrapped up in one another entirely…
“You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me?” Elliot eventually said as he readied for the next song. His voice did not sound…quite right. “I will not be alarmed though your sister does play so well. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”
“I shall not say you are mistaken,” Darcy said softly, and his voice washed over Elliot, oddly calming him slightly. “Because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you, and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own.”
Elliot couldn’t help but laugh at this picture of himself, and said to Colonel Fitzwilliam, “Your cousin has the advantage of knowing me as I am at my home, and so able to expose my real character, in a part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit.”
“I do not recall any element of your real character to be concerning,” Darcy said.
“Indeed, Mr. Darcy,” Elliot said. “But should I say the same of you?”
Darcy moved around the pianoforte, so he was directly next to Elliot now. There was little space between them. Elliot’s chest tightened. That same curious excitement danced over him.
“I am not afraid of you,” said Darcy and he was smiling still.
“Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,” cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. “I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.”
Their eyes met. The excitement seemed to reach a point of singular pitch. “You shall hear then,” Elliot said but he did not take his eyes off Darcy. “But prepare yourself for something very dreadful.”
“Very dreadful?” Darcy asked.
“Indeed,” Elliot replied teasingly before finally turning to look at Colonel Fitzwilliam. “The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire was at a ball, and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances, though partners were scarce, and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young person was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.”
Darcy was still smiling, and he gave a small shrug. “I had not at that time the honour of knowing anyone in the assembly beyond my own party.”
