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She uses the hand at my chest to push me over onto my back and climb on top so she’s lying over my chest. “Ben, you were my friend, and I never, ever wanted to do anything to jeopardize that. So I hid the extent of my feelings for you… for years. I swear, I wasn’t just waiting for my opportunity to pounce, but I’d been half in love with you since the day we met.”
“No.”
“Yes. And then I guess I couldn’t quite believe that after all that time… you would actually feel the same way too. I told myself you couldn’t… and that if I wanted to stay friends, I’d need to keep hiding it.”
“Lara.”
“But know this, leaving you and going to school was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. And if I’d had any idea that what was happening between us was more than fun, more than a rebound… I don’t think I’d ever have been able to go.”
Jesus, I’m stunned. On overload to be honest. Because it can’t be right. It can’t.
Suddenly, all I can think about is all the time we could have had together… and I can barely breathe through the fucking loss of it.
But then something hits me. I take Lara’s face in my hands.
“This is killing me, Elle. But I’m going to focus on the only silver lining I can find here. I’m glad we didn’t know. Because it would have wrecked me to be the reason you didn’t follow your dreams.”
She opens her mouth, but the only sound is a quiet crack from her throat.
I nod. I get it.
She nods.
And then, with a heartrending tenderness, she kisses me. It’s soft and sweet, and when she pulls back, I roll her beneath me and do something I haven’t done in eight years.
I make love to her.
21
Ben
“And this is what Lara calls his jaunty little sailor suit,” I point out from over Axel’s and Grady’s shoulders as they suit up for practice in the locker room a few weeks later.
Axel has the good sense to make all the appropriate noises, but Grady?
That sorry-sounding “Dude” just scored him a trip into the boards.
I turn my screen so Grady can’t see it and swipe to the next shot for Axel, and Axel alone.
“And this is for riding in style. Lara got it for him. Sometimes he wears himself out halfway through his walk and just lies down on the sidewalk. See how he has his own little apartment area with mesh siding and optional zip-in windshield? Plus, it’s got a basket on top so we can pop into the market if we want to grab some ingredients for dinner, maybe some salmon, maybe some kale, maybe?—”
“Whoa, nice wheels,” Static says coming up beside me to look too. “That collapse to fit in your trunk?”
I’m like ninety percent the guy’s sincere in his enthusiasm over how damn cute our dog is and how wicked cool this dog stroller is. But I give him a three-count of side-eye just in case. Then, “It totally does.”
“Nice.” He sits back, arms crossed, and kind of sizes me up. Not in an about-to-deliver-an-ass-kicking way. He saves that for the ice. “This thing with Lara looks good on you, man. Never seen you like this with a woman before.”
No one has. Except Lara herself. And even way back when I was falling over myself for her the first time… it wasn’t like this.
We were kids who only thought we knew everything. Now we’re adults who know we don’t.
“Think it’s gonna stick?” he asks, casual as can be. Like he isn’t throwing out the biggest question there is, the only one that matters.
“Dunno. Still early days.” Which both is and isn’t true.
It’s only been a few weeks since we updated our relationship status in front of a few dozen cameras and half the WAGs on the team. A few more in private. Add the friend zone, multiply by a decade, and reduce by all the lost years… and yeah.
What I do know? It’s good. It’s better than good. And already there is a part of me that is keenly aware that I never want to have to go without Lara again. That just like with everything else with me, my feelings for Lara have hopped the express train before ever looking at a map.
