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He got up and started walking away, but I stood up and grabbed him to pull him towards me. I rubbed his cheeks and tried to make him look me in the eye. “Link, talk to me.”
He pushed my hands away and looked me right in the eyes. “I made a mistake thinking you were any different. Thinking you would care enough to stay.”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “Link, You can’t expect me just not to return home, and you don’t mean that. You never even let us have a real conversation about my staying or going. We are not a mistake; we are new, fun, and really exciting, and we are just getting started…at least, I thought we were.”
“We are a fucking mistake. You are temporary, just like everyone else.”
My stomach sank, and I stepped back so he could no longer reach for me even if he wanted to. His face fell a little, but he continued verbally tearing me down, and I just stood there, frozen, taking it for some reason. “I never should have let you in. I knew this would happen. That’s on me, and you tried to warn me. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. We can’t be anything but friends. I see that now.”
Tears were welling up in my eyes now. I wanted this conversation to be over so I could cry. I wanted to ask him what was happening. I am so confused, but I’m also so damn mad at him for how he’s treating me. I honestly don’t know what to say to him right now.
“Is this what you really want, Link?” He was silent, and no longer looking at me. This is not how I saw today going, it’s the literal opposite actually. “If that’s what you want, I’ll leave this house right now. I will stay out of your way. I will leave and I will pretend this never happened, and you can go back to your life. I’ll see you on holidays and maybe a vacation or two. I can do that for you if that’s what you want.”
“What do you mean what I want? This is your doing. You chose this, not me.”
I thought silently for a moment. This is not my fault and I won’t let another man tell me his actions are my fault. I kept my voice low so he would have to pay attention to what I was saying.
“I’m sorry you feel this is my fault, but I disagree. I’m sorry I came and uprooted your life and your feelings; that was not my intention, as I told you multiple times. I’m sorry that you are losing someone who would have cared for you unconditionally whether you were here, came with me to Connecticut, or even moved to Alaska.”
He started to look hopeful and tried to speak, but I cut him off.
“I don’t deserve to be treated this way by anyone, let alone someone I love. Goodbye, Lincoln.” I stepped away and felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. I started to walk away, but he spoke anyway.
“Wait, you…you love me? You wanted me to stay with you?”
“That’s a moot point now, don’t you think?” He just kept staring at me. “Yes, Lincoln, I was going to ask you to continue dating me and we could figure out how to make the long distance work. We aren't sixteen-year-old children with no way of seeing each other. I would like to think that would have eventually turned into you moving to be with me or vice versa. I went back and forth with the decision because this was so new and I didn’t want to scare you off, but my mom has always told me that when you know, you know. I always thought it was bullshit…until you. But I guess I was right, it is bullshit,” I paused and took a breath. “Lincoln, I’ve lost the person I thought I loved more than anything before… I loved him even when he broke me down to nothing. I overcame him. This love was different, and I thought I was crazy for falling so fast and deeply for you. It all happened in such a short time. I guess that makes me the stupid one, but I will move on again no matter how much it kills me. I will never let another man make his insecurities my fault.”
His eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and he seemed to inch a little closer to me. “You said you love me?”
He was missing the damn point, so I stepped back towards the door. “Goodbye, Lincoln. I’ll see you around. I’ll be there on Wednesday if you still need my help. Just text me and let me know if you would prefer someone else to help you.”
“But Aubrey—”
I didn’t stay to hear what else he had to say. Tears were falling, and I thanked God that Pops and Liza were out to dinner so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions about why I was upset and crying.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Lincoln
Lincoln? She called me Lincoln again.
“Aubrey, wait!” After pausing for a moment, I tried to follow her, but before I could reach her door, she had already locked it, and I heard the shower running. I knocked anyway, but she didn’t answer.
“Baby, please.” Still no answer, I held my head against the door and whispered, “I love you too.” I knew she didn’t hear me and she wouldn’t be opening this door, so I gave her some space and returned to my house.
What the fuck did I just do? I sat there in disbelief. She told me she loved me. I love her too, but I didn’t say it yet because I thought I was going crazy. I sure as hell didn’t think she was even close to loving me. I thought she was leaving me. I thought that the text I had received proved that.
I started thinking about the look on her face and how hurt she truly was. I am already regretting how I spoke to her. I can’t believe I flipped out on her like that. I gave her zero chance to explain what it even meant. What was I thinking?
I punched the workout bag in my bedroom and realized I hit it harder than I intended to, when I saw my knuckles were cracked and bleeding. I slowly became more rational as I went over everything in my head. I heard my phone ding from my bag. I ran to it, hoping it was Aubrey.
Elijah- You fuck her and make it better yet?
I rolled my eyes.
Me: I fucked up, bro. I need to fix this, and I need to fix this now.
Elijah: Let me know how I can help. I’m in town till we leave for tour again.
