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The despair had her slumping into a chair that was leaned up against their trailer, and she promised herself she wouldn’t move until he returned. While she was there, she prayed. She no longer asked God for strength, but for guidance, and her conviction to remain waiting by his trailer strengthened.
So she remained in his camp chair, watching every approaching headlight.
When the truck returned, she stood, meeting it with a hesitant determination. Adam had given her a slight tip of his hat before he disappeared into the night. Her gaze met Austin’s, who seemed to be collecting himself as he exited the truck. She bit her lip while he shifted his weight, but as he came toward her, stepping into the porch light of the trailer, she lost her control and resolve and launched herself into his arms.
She wrapped her arms around him, breathing in his same scent, the tangy horse and leather scent that always clung to him. Underneath her arms, he stiffened, then slowly melted, until his hands spread across her back, pressing her further into him, and his head lowered to rest on top of hers.
Rubbing her hands up and down his back, she soothed him, just like she had when they were young and he lost a competition or the past grief of losing his father had overtaken him. The movements were natural, just as natural as it was to feel him encircling her, clinging onto her as much as she clung to him. Eight years melted away as she found herself wishing, as she always had, that she could stay here in his arms forever.
She knew she couldn’t, though…
When his breathing evened, she slowly pulled from his grasp, her heart aching all the more when he ducked his head and wiped at his eyes. “Oh, man, I needed that.” He shifted his weight and briefly met her eyes with a chagrined grin. “How’d your event go?”
“Fine,” she waved the question away. It didn’t matter at that moment. She searched his face, then pulled out the chair for him to sit down. “Pops?”
He dropped into the chair, another sign he wasn’t doing well. Normally, he would have offered her a chair and then sat himself, and somehow she knew he was still that way…if he wasn’t overwhelmed with emotion.
She pulled out the other chair and sat close enough that their knees almost touched. “Is he alright?” she asked again.
He nodded. “They’re running tests, but he’s well enough that he forced us to leave so we could go on to the next rodeo.”
“Cheyenne?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “How am I supposed to concentrate with him here in the hospital?”
“Well,” she said, reading his expression and gauging if he would hear her with an open mind or if grief had shut him down too much. “I wasn’t sure I could either, but somehow that focus helped hold me together. Of course, I’m not as close to Pops as you are…but I do care for him…” She swallowed, asking God to guide her words. “And I care for you, too.”
His head jerked up, his hopeful eyes searching hers.
“You think eight years apart could wipe that away?” She shook her head.
“It hasn’t wiped anything away for me,” he said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and clasp his hands together as if he needed to have that restraint. “What does that mean for you?”
She licked her lips, her heart thrumming in her ears, drowning out the warning in her mind. Instead, she closed her eyes and prayed again for guidance. “I don’t know.”
Austin nodded, the intensity in his eyes showing that those words didn’t shake his resolve. “I can deal with I don’t know.”
“You can?” She sat up in surprise.
“Yeah, there is so much in life that we don’t know…I don’t know what’s going on with Pops. I don’t know if we’ll win the next event, much less make it to the Nationals. I don’t know what your goals are or where you see yourself.” He scooted off his chair a little, making their knees touch. “All I know is how I feel about those I love…and right now, that’s all I care about, too.”
Charlotte blinked back her tears. “But I don’t know if I can…go there again.”
“You don’t need to know that…yet.” He reached for her hand. “Just knowing you are here…in whatever fashion you are comfortable with, means everything to me.”
She searched his eyes through blurry tears, clasping his hand back as tightly as he clasped hers. “I can be here as a friend. That I know for sure.”
Austin swallowed audibly. “I will take that with a glad heart.”
“I don’t want you going through this alone,” she said, straightening as an approaching shadow caught her eye. With a glance, she saw that it was Adam and slipped her hand out of Austin’s. “Though I know you aren’t alone.”
“No, I’m not,” Austin said, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t need you, too.”
She gave a brief nod of acknowledgment before pushing to a stand. “Well, I, uh, just wanted to make sure that Pops was going to be okay and let you know that I’m here.”
Adam came into the light and hugged her. “Thanks for being here,” he said. He let her go and looked at his brother. “You get her number yet?”
Austin’s cheeks reddened, and seeing him so chagrined melted Charlotte’s heart all the more. She pulled out her phone. “It’s time for an update. I tried calling you, too.”
