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“Yeah, and you? You aren’t a vet?” he asked with such hurt that it made her heart seize.
“I am…or more like, on my way.” She shook out her arms like she did before an event to relieve the tension. “I’ll be starting my residency at the end of summer.”
Austin nodded, slow and serious. “So you’re accomplishing your dreams.”
“And you, yours,” she said, noting and unable to help the tinge of a bite to her words.
He winced, ducking his head so his hat covered his eyes. “Well, some of them.”
She hated the way those murmured words raced through her, filling her heart with hope. “I’m vaulting now…” she said to fill the gap and stop her mind from going in a direction that only led to pain.
“I saw,” he said, his lips twitching into one of his heart-melting half-smiles. “Did pretty well, too.” When she didn’t respond, he added. “How long have you been doing that?”
“Texas’ Vet School recruited me right after I graduated with my bachelor’s.”
“Recruited, huh?” Pride filled his voice, confusing her and making her heart skip a beat. “Should have known your talent would show. I always told you this could be your event. Looks like you enjoy it.”
“I do,” she said honestly. “It’s fun and challenging, and brings my two loves together.”
“I’m glad you found it…or it found you,” he said, back to searching her eyes.
“Yeah,” she said, unsure how to continue from there.
He shifted his weight, then nodded toward Apollo, who pointedly ignored him. “You’ve got a nice gelding, strong and sophisticated.” Austin reached out to smooth a hand down the muscular shoulder. “He’s perfect for what you do.”
“He is perfect,” she said, turning to lay her hand on Apollo, a horse that seemed to know her almost better than anyone else. He could sense her needs, remained steady even when she faltered, and wouldn’t leave her. Why couldn’t the man in front of her have done that?
Several moments filled with silence, a heavy silence full of unsaid words. Austin fiddled with the tack on the railing near the gate, and she rubbed Apollo down. A horse down the aisle snorted and pawed the ground. The sky darkened, making the lights turn on automatically with that strange zapping sound fluorescent bulbs made.
“There are things I need to say to you,” he finally said, releasing the tension of unspoken words.
“Well, we’re talking, aren’t we?” She pushed the words out past a swollen throat. What would he say? That he made the right decision? That he had found someone else, a woman who loved rodeo life as much as he did? Or would he…she shook her head, unable to even go to the world of possibilities. It hurt too much.
The gate creaked as he leaned on it to let a cowboy pass behind him. “I’d, uh, rather talk somewhere a bit more…private.”
She turned toward him, reading his expression, then glanced down at his left hand. Of course, though, a roper probably couldn’t wear a ring, even if he was married.
He followed her gaze, and his lips pulled up at the corners in what looked like an expression of hope. “No ring, if that’s what you’re looking at. No wife. No woman.”
He said it all so matter-of-factly that her eyes shot to his in a way that intensified the quivering inside of her, and he glanced purposefully to her hand. “You?”
She held up her bare hand and quickly dropped it before he could tell how badly it shook. “Too busy.”
“Hmm,” he said, as if he wondered if that’s really why she wasn’t with anyone. “Well, I’m honestly surprised. I thought for sure someone had stolen you up the moment you were free.”
Free? Her brow scrunched as she internally repeated the word. She had never been free from the man standing in front of her. “I’m sorry…Austin.” The name spoken from her lips ripped her heart in two. “I…I can’t do this. There’s too much…”
The silence fell, such a deep silence that she could hear him swallow before he spoke. “I know. I…I’m sorry, Charlotte. I messed up…I messed everything up.”
She spun away from him. As much as it hurt to speak his name, hearing him say her name in the way only he did, crushed her; then his apology… how long had she yearned to hear those words from his lips? How long had she sat by her phone every night praying it would ring with him realizing he had made a mistake? But it never did…eight years…eight years it took him.
The gate creaked as if he were swinging it open. She held up a staying hand. One touch from him, and she knew she’d lose her resolve, for everything within her wanted to feel the strength of his arms around her. Yet the moment she gave into that, she would lose herself again and her heart would never heal from another break from him.
Lord, give me strength.
Boot steps came down the alleyway, and Charlotte took the moment to compose herself.
“Oh,” Emilia said with a smile in her voice, saving the day as always. “I didn’t mean to interrupt…Oh! You’re the cowboy that…” her voice trailed off, luckily.
