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Before we hang up, as I’m on the way home, I ask, “any chance you’ve ever heard of a sealed door to the Beyond?”
“As in, for a spirit? I have, yes. I’ve never experienced it myself, but I’ve heard stories of it.”
“Do you know how one deals with it?”
“It’s like a…” she pauses as if searching for the right word. “Blockage. I think that’s where the idea of unfinished business comes from. The spirit has something they cannot let go of, and they need to be able to release that burden before they can move on.”
I parse through my first conversation with Mei — of wanting to be by her lover’s side, the guilt, the shame, and it’s like a puzzle finally fits into place.
“Thank you, Marta. That all actually makes a lot of sense.”
“No problem. I’ll see you soon, yes?”
“Yes, I’m looking forward to it,” I say, and I find I’m not actually lying. After all, Marta is family. Not only that, but she’s family I don’t need to shy away from, family I don’t need to hide my true nature from. She’s exactly like me in every way that counts. She would never tell me not to speak to a spirit for my own good.
Now, she might tell me not to fuck the Prince of the Beyond, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
Speaking of the devil, I find Tei in the living room, hanging out in the couch area with a book and an old fashioned. When he sees me, a bright smile paints his lips. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
I lift the milk out of my tote bag, as if to prove I was where I said I was, but Tei just shrugs, unbothered. When I go to put the carton away in the cupboard, though, I’m met by three others just like it. Crap. I really should’ve checked more than just the fridge before coming up with my excuse. I turn toward him slowly, biting my lips.
“I…”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, little witch. Nor do you need to make excuses in order to find some privacy.”
My eyes bulge, and I can’t contain my reaction before Tei notices it and laughs at it. “Is that such a crazy concept?”
I shake my head. “Not a crazy concept, just… I don’t know. Don’t you worry?”
His eyebrows pull in, creasing his forehead. “Worry about what?”
“What I might be doing.”
“Why would I do that?”
I walk from the kitchen back to the living area, where I join him on the chair, displacing the book in his hands to take its place in his lap. “I guess you wouldn’t. Shouldn’t, really. You have nothing to worry about. It’s just that in the past…”
“Lots of things happened in the past. In mine, in yours. It doesn’t mean they’ll happen in the future.” He strokes my hair back, then lays a gentle kiss to my temple. “I trust you, Esme. If you need to do something on your own, then you must have good reasons for it. I don’t need to know them. If and when you’re ready to share, you will.”
Heat swirls in my stomach, rising all the way to my chest, clutching it in a vice grip. That electricity, that need to step into the light while fearing the spark, is back with a vengeance. We’re still on the precipice of something, and I desperately want to let myself go, but I just don’t know what awaits me at the bottom.
We may not have worded our feelings, but Tei’s actions speak clearly. His trust is worth everything — especially with the way he was raised, with how his kind is taught to reject love but value loyalty and respect.
And then it hits me so hard, I have to reel back.
A piece of the puzzle you thought you could live your whole life without. A piece you cannot find on your own. That is yours, but someone else’s, too.
“Tei,” I say, my voice so hoarse it scratches my throat as it rises. “Did you ever love Isabel?”
He lurches back as if I burned him. “What —”
“Please,” I beg, hardly keeping my own voice steady. “I know you don’t like talking about her, and this is a very personal question. But if you trust me like you say you do, I just need you to answer right now.”
His pause feels interminable as we just stare into each other’s eyes. When he finally speaks, he’s so quiet I have to strain to hear him. “I thought I did. But what really is love? Once, you called it ‘the kind of power not even death can sever.’ That loving someone means choosing them for all they are, wanting only the best for them, no matter what it takes…” He watches me for the longest moment, as if he can strip me down to nothing but my soul. I’m not sure that’s far from the truth.
“No, I didn’t love Isabel like that.”
My heart beats so hard it lodges itself in my throat. I try to swallow it down, but it’s no use.
