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When Zaxx noticed him and made eye contact, Darwin smiled a small, sad smile but said nothing.
“Thanks,” Zaxx said, his voice rasping through the rocky terrain of his grief.
Darwin set a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
He was strangely, powerfully moved by that gesture and again felt a thickening of his bond to his club brothers. He’d been proud of his patch as long as he’d had it and glad to be Horde from the moment he’d been accepted to prospect, but until this past day, the club had felt to him like a job and a place to be. For all the club talked about family, he hadn’t made a deep connection to any of the other patches; they hadn’t been much closer than acquaintances to him. Work buddies.
He'd thought it was because he was the youngest, the greenest, and, as the last prospect the club had had, he’d felt like he straddled the threshold between inside and outside the Keep, not fully brought in, only a guest at the table, still thought of as the grunt.
But here the whole club was, helping him avenge his sister, supporting them both through this horror, helping them make it right. His parents had no idea yet any of it had happened, and Zelda was right: if they knew, they’d be useless. The most they’d offer would be a sympathetic word and a hit off their blunt. Pop would suggest a game to ‘take their minds off it all.’
He loved his parents. Having a kid while they themselves were still kids, disowned by their families for it, they had done their best. They’d never yelled, or hit, or hell, even grounded them. Always they’d been gentle and kind and patient. No matter how much they’d struggled at life, they’d never taken it out on Zaxx and Zelda. Their neglect was benign, a result of cluelessness, not coldness.
But sitting here on his bloody floor, his dog’s body in his arms, his sister in his bedroom recovering from a vicious attack, and the Horde arrayed around his house like a force field of leather and steel, Zaxx understood that his parents’ best was not enough. They had not made a family.
He had done that, for himself and for Zelda, when he’d asked to prospect for the Night Horde MC.
Zaxx eased Doof back to the floor.
“I’ll take him, if you want,” Darwin said quietly.
“Take him where?”
Darwin looked pained. “Uh ... the assholes who did this? They’re in Saxon’s van. I can put Doofus there, too.”
Zaxx shook his head. He didn’t want Doof anywhere near those shitstains. “I’ll keep him. I’ll bury him here.”
“You own this place?”
The question hit Zaxx’s chest like a blade. He did not own this place, and he understood why Darwin had asked. “No.”
“I can take him to mine. I got my girl Heidi buried in my backyard. Little marker for her and everything. Planted a lilac bush there, too. We can put Doof next to her, if you want.”
Heidi, Darwin’s Airedale, had died in the early spring, at the venerable age of fifteen. Darwin had had her from puppyhood. Doof and Heidi had met several times at club cookouts and dog-friendly town events, or just because both Darwin and Zaxx had happened to bring their dogs to the clubhouse at the same time. Doof loved all dogs, and Queenie was his One True, but he’d worshipped Heidi like a wise elder, and she had been patient with his hyper shenanigans.
Doof was such a good boy. The best.
Zaxx’s vision blurred, but he choked these fresh tears off. “Thanks, brother.” As he said it, he understood that the word meant more to him than it ever had.
Darwin squeezed his shoulder again. Then he rolled to a crouch and started to pick Doof up.
Zaxx stopped him. “I’ll carry him.”
With a nod, Darwin stood. Zaxx lifted his dead friend and rolled to his feet. He followed Darwin out. He was aware of the quiet that fell over the club as they crossed the yard to Darwin’s truck but he met no one’s eyes, paid no one any heed at all. Only Doofus.
~oOo~
Nobody tried to pull Zaxx into discussion about what to do with two dead cops and a house drenched in blood, and he didn’t try to start or join any such conversation. In this moment, he honestly could not have cared less. He would eventually, but right now, he was as full of thoughts and worries and griefs as he could handle without going fully batshit.
He stood on the road and watched Darwin drive off with Doofus’s body. Then he stood on the road and stared at nothing. When he’d had enough of that, he turned around, walked past everyone still milling about, handling his business for him, and went back inside.
~oOo~
Trying with all he had not to look at the bloody stain where Doof had died, Zaxx went to the sofa and reclaimed his place beside Gia. A Novocain numbness had filled his heart since Darwin had driven off, but when Gia took his hand and laced her fingers with his, seedlings of warmth began to sprout there again.
“I’m so sorry about Doofus,” she said again.
Taking in a long, deep breath, Zaxx cleared room in his chest for words. “Thanks. I’m so sorry you got caught up in this.”
