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I inhale a sharp breath and hear Ronan chuckle into his coffee mug as he looks away, pretending he didn’t just hear that. Smartass.
Placing a quick kiss on the top of my head, he rounds the island and makes his way back to the stove to pour another round of pancakes onto the griddle. “You okay there, Baby? Your cheeks are looking a little red.”
Finn pipes up before I can answer, “Who knew all we had to get Ronan to act like less of an asshole was get him laid.”
Mac tips his head back and roars a laugh. “He didn’t need just anyone. He needed that one.” He spins around and points his spatula at me, “That pussy of hers is practically magic.”
Finn reaches around me and pats Ronan on the shoulder, “Glad you finally pulled your head out of your ass, man. We were getting ready to murder you.”
Ronan shrugs Finn’s hand off his shoulder, “Shut the hell up. You three are going to be such a pain in my ass.”
I love the banter between them. Since I’ve been here, constant tension has lingered in the air due to Ronan avoiding us and everything else happening. This is a nice change of pace. So, instead of scolding them for talking about my so-called “magic pussy” at breakfast, I let it slide. “It’s only going to keep getting worse. You said it yourself, you’re addicted now.” I wink at him around the brim of my mug.
Ronan grips my jaw and spins my face towards his. I’m met with his steely blue gaze, “You better watch that mouth of yours. But, you’re damn right I am, Baby.”
“Awe, aren’t you two just the cutest,” Mac says as he continues to poke fun at his brother. Ronan picks up a strawberry from a bowl on the counter and whips it at the back of Mac’s head.
The entire exchange makes me feel something I never expected to feel here. A calmness washes over me. I never thought I would feel complete, I’ve lost too much in my life to be whole. For the first time in a long time, it feels like there might be more out there for me than imagining a life like the one I read in books. A life that’s not filled with loneliness and “what if’s” but is filled with belonging and adventure. I’ve always felt like I was floating from one day to the next, drifting between feeling too settled and not settled at all. But right now, with them, despite the circumstances that brought me here, I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be. I feel like I’m home.
28
Finn
Once I finish my breakfast, I make quick work of the dishes and clean up the kitchen. All the while listening to Mac, Ronan, and Harper make light-hearted conversation. I can’t wipe the stupid grin off my face, and she didn’t even spend last night with me, for fuck sake. In all of the years we’ve lived here, I don’t think this apartment has ever felt as bright as it does this morning.
And it’s all thanks to her.
I mindlessly move through the motions of putting everything away where it belongs. When the three of them are finished eating, I clear their plates and load them into the dishwasher before pouring myself another much-needed cup of coffee. I didn’t even have the energy to throw on a suit this morning, which is saying a lot coming from me. Not only did I lay awake most of the night listening to Ronan and Harper fuck each other’s brains out, but Ronan proceeded to burst into my room at the ass-crack of dawn. I wanted to throw a pillow at his smug face when he told me to meet him and Mac in the kitchen but I knew it must have been something important if it was worth him leaving a naked Harper in his room.
Once Mac and I strolled into the kitchen, Ronan filled us in on Liam’s impromptu visit while we were at Kings. As Ronan explained everything, I watched his relaxed demeanor slowly slip away, and his usual state of rage took its place. That is until he saw Harper again.
Every time I looked at Mac, I could tell he was biting his tongue, trying not to scream, “I fucking knew it!” Mac has never wanted this life. Liam realized quickly that Mac was a force to be reckoned with. Mac is faster and stronger than the rest of us, and Liam knew it. It’s why he trained him to be the kind of killer he is. However, sometimes I wonder if it was only to teach Mac a lesson. It was clear that he often despised Mac’s nurturing and caring nature. Liam saw it as Mac’s biggest weakness.
“Don’t be so fucking soft, Cormac.” I heard Liam bark at him on more than one occasion. Which is why, as years passed, Liam pushed and pushed Mac until he became the man he is. One our enemies fear. He hates his father for forcing him to be someone he doesn’t want to be, someone he despises.
I’ve had a more challenging time straightening out my feelings for Liam. I know he’s not a good person. Hell, none of us are. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized just how much Liam McDermott lacks even the smallest conscience. His only goal is to get ahead and take out anyone who steps in his way.
Anyone… even Harper.
The thought of him hurting her makes my blood boil. Yet, I still can’t shake the feeling that I must obey him. I owe him. Don’t I?
He and Emma saved my life when I had nothing. When that fucking family took mine away from me, the McDermotts stepped up and took me in as one of their own and made me part of their family. They love me just like they love Mac and Ronan. Emma reminds me time and again that I’m not just some orphan they took in. I’m their son. I’ll be forever indebted to them. I can’t disappoint any of them. Right? I can’t seem to make sense of any of it.
This is why Ronan looked directly at me when we asked what we should do. And why my only response was to stare back at him with a puzzled look on my face like some fucking moron.
Ronan knew how I was going to feel about all of this. My best friend can read me like a book. He knew I’d be conflicted. Not because I don’t care that Harper is in danger, hell, knowing Liam doesn’t care about her safety is enough to make me want to lock him in a room and make him wish he was never born, but because they know I’ll second guess everything. I’ll hesitate.
As good as I am at reading other people’s thoughts, I can’t seem to get mine in check. None of it is rational. My feelings for Harper are complicated enough, and this is just making it worse. She still doesn’t know what her grandfather did to me. I’m still not ready to tell her. I’m not ready for the way she’ll look at me. She’ll pity me, and I don’t want to be pitied.
After a quick discussion filled with hushed yelling, the three of us decided, much to Ronan’s disappointment, to sit down with Harper and tell her what’s going on with Liam and Declan. I know Ronan wants to protect her by keeping her as far away from all of this as possible, but this life is dangerous enough as it is. The last thing she needs is not to understand what she’s up against. Once she knows what’s happening, the four of us will come up with a plan together.
* * *
Harper sits on the couch next to me, Ronan in the armchair closest to me, while Mac paces in front of the window, unable to sit still.
I notice Harper fidgeting with the hem of Ronan’s shirt she’s still wearing. She’s nervous. While glancing at her fingers, I can’t help but become acutely aware of the fact that the shirt barely hits her mid-thigh. I zone in on the creamy white skin of her delicious legs, remembering how they feel wrapped around my face. Just like that, I feel all my blood rush straight to my cock. I shift in my seat and tear my eyes away from her body, willing myself not to get a hard-on.
Now is not the time, Finn.
