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Fuck, fuck, fuck! I quickly turn my head to look at Mac. Judging by the shocked look on his face, he’s thinking the same thing that I am. If my assumptions are right, which they usually are, this just got so much fucking worse. Max’s sad voice brings my attention back to him.
“That’s all I know, I swear. You’re going to let me go now, right? Please. I told you everything that I know.” I release his dick from my hands, and a wave of relief washes over his face, but it’s too little too late.
“Sorry, Maxy. We can’t let you go. Have to send a message. But,” I give him a menacing grin, “at least you get to go out as a man.” Max thrashes against his chains, trying to escape, but there’s nowhere to go. I don’t allow him to speak when he opens his mouth to plead for his life. I let the rage I’m feeling consume me, and in a split second, I plunge the blade of the large knife through his chin and into his brain and watch as the life drains from his face.
Call me sick and twisted, but I usually feel some sense of relief after killing someone who’s crossed me. But as Max’s body relaxes in the chains, the familiar feeling doesn’t wash over me. Instead, all I feel is panic, betrayal, and anger as the claws of desperation grip my chest in a vice over this new development.
I face my brother and see his expression mirrors mine as he asks, “Do you think it’s true?”
“What reason would he have to lie? He thought we would let him go if he told the truth?”
“Fuck. I know… I just…”
“I know, brother.”
“None of this makes any sense, Ronan.”
No, it fucking doesn’t.
“Come on, let’s go home. I’ll call some of the guys to come and clean this up.”
We’re silent as Mac drives through the city streets toward the apartment. Surely wondering how in the hell we got here. It’s been clear to us since we were old enough to know better that there are only a handful of people in this world that you can truly trust, and for men in our line of work, the circle is even smaller. We always knew our father was a bastard. He would do whatever he needed to be on top until the day he died. His latest actions have proved that he is exactly who we thought he was—a monster. But I never thought that we couldn’t trust her. I thought she was ours to protect, and we were hers, no matter what. Looking over at my brother, I can see the hurt across his face clear as day. He doesn’t want it to be true, and neither do I. None of this makes any fucking sense.
Mac’s voice breaks the tension in the car. “I will gladly put a bullet through that asshole’s brain. You were more of a father to me than he ever was. But…” he scrubs his face with his hands. I can feel his gray eyes scanning my face for answers, but I don’t have any more than he does. “She’s our mom, Ronan.”
I take a deep breath and carefully think about my answer because I know what I have to say will hurt him, but he needs to hear it. “I know she is Mac. But she might not be who we thought she was, and we need to prepare for that. I don’t know what happened. Maybe Dad finally got in her head, or maybe she’s been this way all along, and we loved her too much to see it, but whatever the case, it doesn’t matter. I won’t let anyone hurt my family. You and Finn are my family, and now so is Harper. I don’t care if that someone is my parents or the damn Pope. No one will hurt the ones I love. I will kill anyone who tries.” I quickly take my eyes off the road and level him with a stare that conveys everything at once: I’m his big brother, and I will protect him. As much as it may hurt, I will protect our family no matter what. “Do you hear me?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
“Right now, I don’t have any more answers than you do. We’re going to figure this all out. We always do.”
Mac doesn’t answer this time. A few minutes go by before he exhales a heavy breath, resigning to the fact that nothing can be done now, and I’m grateful for what he says next. My little brother always trying to lighten my mood. “I’m fucking starving. I don’t know what sounds better, a burger or Harper’s pussy. Either will do, honestly.”
I tilt my head back against the seat and let out a deep laugh. Once I regain my composure, I answer, “Pussy, definitely.”
“Mhmmmm, as much as I’d like it to be true, I don’t think we can live off pussy alone. Although she does taste fucking delicious.”
“I could die of starvation with my face between her legs and still go out a happy man.” Now it’s him who lets out a roaring laugh.
“Who says we can’t have both? Burger for lunch, Harper for dessert.”
“Best idea you’ve had all day.”
“We should probably stop at the Kings to shower and grab a change of clothes before we go home. Don’t want to give our dessert a heart attack before we have a chance to eat it.”
I wave my finger in his direction, “You’re a smart man.”
We ride the rest of the way home in silence.
35
Harper
Finn and I finally pulled ourselves out of bed a half hour ago. I’m rummaging around the kitchen, trying to find something to cook us all for lunch when the guys return and Finn’s cleaning up in the shower. He got deliciously dirty this morning after he made me ride his face.
Pulling open the fridge, I assess my options, finding everything I need to make some juicy burgers. They’ll like that, right? I get to work setting everything out on the counter. I can’t help but notice a set of eyes burning holes in the side of my head. I glance over to find Logan standing perfectly still next to the elevator while Tanner makes a lap through the apartment. I know it’s their job to keep an eye on me, but the way Logan rakes his eyes over me makes my skin crawl. I tell myself it’s just because I’m not used to being watched like this, but a dark glint in his eyes sets me on edge. I know I shouldn’t worry, though. I’m never alone with him. Tanner is always with him, and the guys never leave me without one of them. I don’t want to say anything to the guys about it, either. They have enough going on as it is, and the last thing they need to worry about is me being picky about the security guards they hired for me. I’m safe, and I know it. I need to stop being so paranoid.
Pushing my worried thoughts aside, I turn on some music and start with lunch. As I run through the mindless task of chopping tomatoes and onions and forming burger patties, I notice the pain in my cheeks. I don’t think I’ve smiled this much since my parents died. This apartment that once felt like it would close in on me is starting to feel like a home. The men who live inside of it, who turned my world upside down, now own pieces of my soul. The girl I saw in the mirror all those weeks ago is nowhere to be found. Don’t get me wrong, there are still pieces of me that aren’t going anywhere, like my love for stories and fairytales or the fact that I’d choose leggings and sweatshirts over a dress any day or that I have a crippling addiction to coffee. But there are new parts of me that make the old shine a bit brighter. I don’t feel I have to hide in the shadows or constantly hold my tongue. I’ve never felt as sexy in my skin as I do now, and I’ve unlocked a side of me I never expected. A side that holds her pleasure in the palm of her hand and isn’t ashamed of it. A bolder side. Braver.
