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“Of course, Baby.” I help walk her to the bathroom with her hands firmly gripping my arm. Once we get in there, I run her a hot bath with a generous amount of Epsom salt and a lavender bubble bath. I pull her curls up into a haphazard bun on top of her head, and as I help get her undressed, I mentally catalog every single cut and bruise. I didn’t see them all when Doc examined her as he shooed us all from the room, much to my annoyance. I swear, if I didn’t cry already this morning, I would now at the sight of her. Not because she isn’t beautiful but because she looks so broken. But I know she isn’t. My girl is anything but broken. She’s stronger than all of us combined.
After Harper slowly sinks below the bubbles, sighing in relief as she goes, I roll up a bath towel and place it on the ledge behind her head. She leans her head back and looks up at me, nothing but adoration shining in her eyes. I drop my head down and kiss her firmly on the forehead. “You relax. I’ll come get you when breakfast is ready.”
“Hmmm, okay.” She says as she lets out a content sigh.
“I’m going to leave the doors open. Yell if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay.” I turn around to leave the bathroom when she grabs me by the wrist. “Hey.”
“Yeah, Baby?”
She squeezes my wrist a little harder before saying softly, “I love you.”
I could never ask for anything for the rest of my life as long as I hear those three words from her lips every day until the day I die. “I love you, Harper Hayes.”
18
Mac
I’ve been awake for a while now, just sitting in the den, staring out the window, watching the city streets below. Ronan sent Finn and I to our rooms last night to rest. We all wanted to crawl under the covers with her, but we didn’t know how she would react if she woke up and we were in her bed. Finn and I didn’t want to leave her, but Ronan gave us a stern look, telling us not to argue. And honestly, I’m glad he did. That’s the first night I’ve slept more than three hours at a time since she was taken, and my body needed the rest, especially after the emotional roller coaster of us reuniting at the cabin.
I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t terrified at the thought of Harper being unable to pull me out of my darkness. All those days ago, I sank into that space to be what she needed me to get her back. But, even more so, I let the red swallow me so I wouldn’t have to feel it. If I had allowed myself to feel all of the pain, sorrow, and despair that was coursing through every fiber of my being, I would have been a shell of a person. I was, anyway, in some ways, but at least I was still strong. And that’s what Harper needed me to be—strong.
I froze when I saw her in Finn’s arms coming out of that tree line. I wanted, more than anything, to run to her. To have her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. But I couldn’t get myself to move. I was terrified that she would be afraid of the monster I had become, I was terrified that she would no longer want the person that was in front of her, and most of all, I was terrified that I would hurt her. I had been swimming in endless seas of pain and violence since she was taken from us—endless seas of red. I was so afraid that the other side of me, who longs to care for and protect the people I love, would never return.
But with just four words, “You won’t hurt me,” all of my armor came crashing down around me. All of the red disappeared, and in its place was Harper’s light—my light.
Because she is mine.
She isn’t a light we need to keep away from our darkness. She’s the light we need to let live inside of it. She is woven into every fiber of my being, and I will die before I ever let someone take my light from me again.
The noise of Ronan running the bath in Harper’s room pulls me from my thoughts, so I head to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. For the past couple of weeks, none of us have eaten anything that hasn’t come in a takeout container, which means our kitchen was in desperate need of a grocery store run. Finn went out yesterday to grab everything we would need, including all of Harper’s favorite snacks and coffee must-haves.We all know how much our girl likes, more like needs, a good cup of coffee.
It felt good to be back in the kitchen yesterday, cooking for the people I love. I’m by no means a chef, but I like to think I’m pretty good at it. It’s clearly better than anything Ronan or Finn can make. I just haven’t had the mental capacity to do it lately, for obvious reasons. But yesterday, I made Harper her favorite breakfast for dinner, and the smile that spread on her face when she took her first bite of pancakes was exactly what I needed.
Just as the coffee begins percolating, Ronan comes strolling down the hall with the biggest grin on his face. And fuck if that doesn’t make me happy. “You look like a lovestruck moron,” I jab as he enters the kitchen, and fuck if picking on him doesn’t make me even happier.
Judging by the look on his face, he’s just as happy to hear it, not that he’ll ever admit it to me. “That’s because I am, brother.”
I raise my brows at his confession. “Oh yeah?”
He slides onto one of the chairs at the island. “Yeah.” Before I can crack another smart remark, he points at me. “Don’t even fucking start.” I tip my head back and let out a roar of a laugh. The sound slightly shocks us both. “It’s good to hear you laugh.”
“It feels good to laugh,” I answer.
Turning around, I grab four coffee mugs from the cabinet and set them on the island. I nod toward the hall, “She taking a bath?”
“Yeah. I told her to yell when she was done so I could help her out.”
I can’t help the tightness that coils in my chest at the thought of her not even being able to get out of the tub by herself. “How is she this morning?”
Ronan scrubs his hand across the dark stubble on his face. Actually, it’s more of a beard now. The scrub hasn’t trimmed it in days. Not that I’m one to talk, my usually longer hair is looking extra shaggy lately. “Honestly, man, she’s better than any of us could have hoped. Physically, she’s still pretty sore. But mentally, she’s a lot stronger than any of us give her credit for.”
A smile pulls at my lips. “That’s my girl.”
“I still think we should make sure she sees Doc’s wife, though.”
“I agree,” Finn says as he emerges from the hall, blonde hair disheveled, looking as well rested as I am.
