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I lift my eyes, expecting to find a hint of jealousy that I took this step with his brother and not him, but instead, I am met with a look of absolute love and adoration. I smile and nuzzle against Mac’s warm chest. “So much better.”
“I’m so proud of you.” Ronan crooks his head so he can reach my lips and gives me a gentle kiss. “I love you.”
“And I love you.” Most people might think it’s weird that he’s expressing how proud of me he is, considering I just fucked his brother. But I know exactly what he means and why he’s proud of me. I didn’t let Logan or what he did to me at the cabin take this away from me, either. I took the time to care for myself properly and listened to my body. I was strong. Strong enough to take this back for myself. And for them.
For us.
Ronan brushes a couple of curls behind my ear and straightens. Finn’s hand runs up my back as he says, “Come on, Angel. Let’s go get you cleaned up.”
I unwrap my arm from around Mac and hold it out behind me. In one swift move, Finn grabs it, and I’m being cradled in his arms. Mac stands from the chair and begins tucking himself back into his jeans.
I look at his hair, smiling. Surprisingly, I did a pretty good job. But I’ll keep that shock to myself.
Looking between the three of them, I ask, “Group shower?”
Smiles light up all three of their faces, and Ronan answers, “Group shower. But shower only.” He points his finger at me and gives me a look I know all too well. One that means there’s no room for argument. “You’ve had enough for one night.”
Wiggling in Finn’s hold, I realize he’s right. I can already feel my body growing tired. “Alright. Shower, then cuddle.”
Finn kisses my forehead as he chuckles. “Shower then cuddle, Angel.”
As Finn walks me toward my room, I feel it settle in my chest. Another little piece of me has been put back together. I don’t know how many pieces are left or how long it will take. Maybe I’ll never be fully healed. But I know one thing is certain: as long as I have the three of them helping pull me back together, I’ll be okay.
22
Harper
The morning light peeking through a crack in the curtains wakes me from a deep sleep. My entire body is damp with sweat, and I feel like I’m sleeping inside of a furnace. Eyes still closed, I roll to my side only to realize a tattooed arm is pinning me down across my abdomen on one side and a set of muscular legs entangled with mine from the other. Well, that explains why I’m so warm.
After screwing Mac senseless in the kitchen after his haircut, the guys took me back to my room to shower. I stood there while the three of them scrubbed and lathered every inch of my body. I didn’t have to lift a finger. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. Once we got out of the shower, they left me to my nighttime routine, where I applied a plethora of skin care products and curl creams.
I leave the bathroom to find them curled up in my bed with the TV on. Mac was already passed out on the edge of the bed, his soft snores filling the room. Ronan and Finn were sitting against the headboard, stark-ass naked, and waiting for me to climb in between them. The moment I did, they wound their arms around me, kissed me goodnight, and the three of us quietly drifted off to sleep.
A couple of days after I got back, Ronan had a new mattress and bedframe delivered to the apartment that would comfortably fit all four of us. After carefully searching the two men who delivered everything, the guys watched them like hawks the entire time they were taking apart my old bed and setting up the new one. When I asked Ronan why he got me a new bed instead of one of them, he simply shrugged and said, “We wanted to be in your room where you were most comfortable. None of us like sleeping in our own rooms without you anyway.”
The idea that the three of them are so willing to lean into this group relationship without hesitation, doubt, or jealousy makes me so happy my chest literally aches. I’ve never been loved like this. Don’t get me wrong, I know my parents loved me, as did Cece, but that love was different. It was between parents and their children. But this love, the one the four of us share, is that of choice. The three of them are choosing to love me, regardless of how unconventional it may seem to the outside world.
Not that the guys care much about what people think of them anyway, being leaders of the Irish mafia and all.
It’s clear that the guys don’t anticipate me moving back into my apartment anytime soon, if ever again. And to be honest, I really don’t want to. I want to be here with them. They make me feel safe, wanted—loved. Yes, my apartment may be my own, but at the end of the day, it’s nothing more than four walls holding my things, things that I can bring here. It’s not like I rent my apartment; I don’t have to worry about breaking any sort of contract, nor do I owe any outstanding money on it. I’ll talk to the guys about putting it up for sale and moving some of my things in here. It’s important that this feels like my home just as much as it does theirs. I know none of them will care if I add my own touch to the space. This can be my home, too—my family, if only I let it.
There will always be that nagging fear of losing another person that I love. But if the last few weeks have taught me anything, it’s to not keep people at arm’s length for fear that you will lose them. That isn’t a life worth living. It’s not the life my parents or Cece would have wanted for me, and it’s not the life I want for myself. I would rather risk loving and losing them than never loving them at all.
I try to sit up between them so I can crawl out of bed and use the bathroom, but Ronan’s arm wraps tighter around me as he nuzzles his face into the crook of my shoulder. “Ronan, I have to pee,” I laugh.
“Noooo. More sleep,” his raspy voice whines.
I try to untangle my legs from Finn’s but meet the same resistance. “Finnnnn,” I whine.
He nuzzles in on the other side of me, and if I wasn’t caged in before, I am now. “Shhh, Angel.”
“Unless the two of you want me to pee all over the bed, I suggest you let me up.”
“I’d get over it,” Ronan mumbles.
“Ew, no, not happening. Plus, the two of you are a couple of furnaces, and I’m sweating to death. Let. Me. Up.” My voice sounds annoyed, but I’m all smiles. I’ve loved having the four of us together every night. None of them fuss about sleeping next to each other, as they seem genuinely comfortable with the arrangement, as long as nobody’s hands do any unwanted traveling. Being sandwiched between them is my favorite place to be, regardless of how hot I am.
I might have to invest in some more breathable bedding; I already sleep completely naked.
