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The words hit her hard. She pushes me away and hops off the counter. Her breaths come out ragged, furious, even as she struggles to raise her voice without waking Lucy.
"So, that's all I am to you, Damien? Just a random woman you're kissing in your kitchen?" She's livid, her jaw clenched as she steps closer. "Do you think it's funny to toy with people's emotions? Is this a regular thing for you?"
I'm stunned, words failing me. I want to tell her the truth - that if it were up to me, I'd never want her to leave. She could stay here, sleep in my house - our house - if she wished. But I don't.
Instead, like an idiot, I blurt out, "You're the first woman I've kissed in my kitchen."
It's not the smartest reply, and I know that. Sophie is far from pleased.
"I'm done," she snaps, "I'm not coming back. Tell Lucy... tell her I loved meeting her."
And with that, she leaves me standing in my kitchen, her words echoing in the silence, a reminder of a happiness that was almost within my grasp. And now, it feels further away than ever before.
In a desperate attempt to stop her, I reach out, fingers barely grazing the fabric of her sleeve before it slips from my grasp. She's already at the door when I manage to get the words out,
"Wait! Please, let me explain."
Sophie halts but doesn't turn around.
"What else is there to say, Damien? You've made yourself pretty clear."
My heart aches at her words, her tone. It's like a thousand tiny needles piercing me all at once. I step forward, intending to bridge the gap between us, but she promptly shuts me down.
"Stay where you are."
Her command resonates in the empty hallway, bouncing off the walls and back at me. I stop dead in my tracks. I've made a mess of things and have no idea how to fix it.
I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to think she's just another conquest on my non-existent list. Yet, I'm afraid of revealing too much, of peeling back layers I've kept hidden for years.
"If you've got nothing else to say," she finally breaks the silence, "I'll be leaving."
I bite my lower lip, attempting to reign in the racing heartbeat that seems ready to leap out of my chest.
This is the first time I'm laying my feelings bare since my wife left, but the thought of Sophie leaving in such distress is unbearable.
She deserves better, deserves an explanation, something to soothe the hurt and quell the anger I've sparked.
"I... I'm attracted to you, Sophie," I start, fumbling with the words. "Whatever it is you're feeling, I'm feeling it too. But I... I can't let myself fall for someone. Not someone I've only just met."
At this, she whirls around, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Why, Damien? Why can't you?"
The words are choked out, each syllable punctuated by the tears that finally breach the dam of her restraint and spill over, cascading down her cheeks in a heartbreaking display of vulnerability.
I want to scream, let out all my fears and insecurities, and share every bit of my history. But I can't. I can't wake Lucy, and it's too much for Sophie to bear.
"After my wife left me and Lucy," I begin, my voice a hoarse whisper, "I never trusted anyone again. Not enough to open my heart."
I pause, glancing at her. Her eyes widen as she absorbs the enormity of my confession.
I swallow hard and continue, "I don't have a life of my own now. My life is Lucy's too. Love isn't enough if my daughter can't accept the woman I choose. And believe me, I know Lucy would be happy for us, for you and me. She has never liked any nanny the way she liked you right away. That's great, but... what if things don't work out? I can deal with a broken heart again, but Lucy can't. I can't ask her for that. It's too much. I just want her to be happy."
I take a deep breath, steadying myself, "And, if I'm being honest... I'm scared too."
My breathing is fast, my heart pounding as if trying to burst out of my chest. I've laid everything bare, and it feels liberating, cathartic even. It feels like something I should have done a long time ago.
"I... I understand," Sophie whispers, her voice choked with emotion, "I'm scared too. For me, for Lucy. I never thought I'd be someone's stepmother at 24, you know? This... it's too much. We barely know each other, and things are already so complicated."
