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“What?”
She tucks her hair behind her ears. “We can do this your way. We don’t even have to tell her I’m her mom if you don’t want to. I just…I want to see her. I want to see how much she’s grown. I want to look into her eyes. I want to hold her, talk to her. God, I bet she’s grown so much.” Her eyes fill with tears and she quickly brushes them away.
I shake my head as my jaw tightens. “I don’t know.”
“Please? Please, Linc? I swear, I won’t stay long. Just let me see her, please?”
I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to be the asshole that denies a mother the chance to see her daughter, but I have a right to protect Ava. I don’t want to let Allison walk back into her life only to get bored a month down the road and leave again.
“What’s the point of this? You just want one visit and then what? You just pack up and leave again?”
She shakes her head. “I…I don’t know. I would like to stay, to be a part of her life eventually. I know I walked out and I don’t deserve anything. You don’t owe me anything, Linc. But please, just let me come over for a visit. We can figure everything else out later.”
It feels like my heart is cracking open. My stomach is now a pit of nerves. What if Allison really has changed? Do I want to be the person who stops my daughter from having a relationship with her mother?
I run my hand through my hair and over my face. “Fine,” I breathe out.
She claps her hands and smiles wide. “Thank you so much, Linc. I swear, you won’t regret this.”
“You can come over tonight for dinner. I do not want to tell Ava who you are just yet. I’ll introduce you by your first name as an old friend of mine. Is that clear?”
She nods, keeping her smile still in place. “However, you want to do it. I promise, I will prove myself to you this time. You’ll see. I’m not the same person I was back then.”
“Dinner, my place tonight at seven.”
She nods before getting up and pushing her chair in. She looks down at me with sparkling eyes and a wide smile. “Thank you, Linc. So much.” She turns and walks away just as Tessa is bringing me my lunch. But suddenly, I’m no longer hungry.
Tessa puts the red basket down in front of me and I push it away slightly, opting to take another sip of tea instead. Am I making a mistake by allowing this or am I being pessimistic? I would love it if Allison was telling me the truth, if she really has grown up and matured. It would be nice to have another parent to share custody with, even give me a little alone time with Emery here and there. Thinking of Emery, it looks like my talk with her will have to be pushed back a little. I can’t even think about whatever is going on between us, not with this dinner with Allison looming over my head.
17
EMERY
After I pull away from the curb, I’m worried about Lincoln following me so I drive out of my way a few blocks until I know the coast is clear. Finally, I’m able to circle back around to the pharmacy to get the vitamins I’ve been prescribed. I park in the lot, in a crowded area so my car is hidden by others, and I go inside. I know it’s not a big secret that I’m here. I mean, everyone goes to the pharmacy every now and then, right? But inside, I realize that I don’t want to be caught carrying around a giant arrow that says I’m pregnant so I figure I’ll pick up a few other things so that arrow will blend in a little better.
I let the pharmacist know that I’m here for my medication before wandering around while they get the pills together. I remember using the last of my conditioner so I grab another bottle. Then I walk through the cosmetics section. I don’t usually wear a lot of makeup so it’s not something I buy often but I like to see if anything new has come out. Not finding anything I need in the makeup section I find myself in the baby care area. My heart starts to race as I take in all the products.
Do babies really need all this stuff? There’s about a million brands of diaper rash ointment, a hundred different kinds of diapers, and at least fifty different baby baths. That’s not even the tip of the iceberg. There’s always clothes and toys and shoes plus diaper bags and furniture. I suddenly feel overwhelmed. I mean, I can’t do this on my own. I don’t even have my own house. Where am I going to put a baby who needs this much stuff? I’ll have to share my room, which wouldn’t be impossible but how will Anna feel about an infant being in her house? Keeping her up at all hours of the night? Would she even let me stay there with the baby?
Taking a deep breath, I push myself forward, leaving this area of the store. I grab a bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of water before heading back to the pharmacy counter to get the vitamins and check out. Everything gets rung up and hidden in a bag. I feel like I can breathe a little easier. I pay and get out of there as fast as I can. All this thinking is giving me a major headache so the moment I’m in the car, I open the Tylenol and pop two before washing them down with a long drink of water. This is the first time I’ve actually considered having to raise this baby on my own and I did not like the future I saw. If I have to do this on my own, I’m going to have to go back to living with my parents. There’s no way around it.
Then I realize that I’m making plans when Lincoln doesn’t even know about the full situation yet. What if he does love me? What if he does want a future with me? What if he wants to help raise this baby like he’s been raising Ava all these years? He’s a good father. He’s a good man. He works hard and he loves hard. I have to tell him. Today. I’ve gotten what I needed: the confirmation from the doctor. Everything is set. All that’s left to do is break the news to him.
I drive home and put my vitamins in the drawer of the bedside table. Even though I have to come clean to everyone in my life, something still tells me I need to hide the pills like it’s a bad addiction or something. Shaking my head at myself, I lay down. The stress and worry of the day have worn on me and it doesn’t take any time at all before I’m falling fast asleep.
* * *
I wake several hours later, surprised when I notice how dark my room has gotten. I can barely see with the evening light shining through my window. I stretch and push myself up into a sitting position before turning on the bedside lamp. The room floods with light and I rub the sleep from my eyes as I check the time. It’s already going on seven-thirty and with fall fast approaching, it’s getting dark earlier.
I told Lincoln I’d try and make it for dinner and I’m already late but I don’t think he will mind my tardiness. I get up and slide on my shoes. I close the curtains and use the restroom before locking up the house and make my way next door.
Have you ever been driving and you’re so lost in thought that when you arrive at your destination you wonder how you ended up where you are? I’m so lost in thought that I don’t even remember the walk over. All I know is that one minute, I’m locking my front door. The next, I’m knocking on his. I don’t get snapped out of my thoughts until the door opens and a blonde woman is standing on the other side.
Confused, I take a step back and look at the front of the house to make sure I’m at the right place. Brick front, red front door, concrete landing, with a white porch swing with chipped paint. I’m in the right place.
The blonde woman offers a polite smile. “Can I help you?”
My mouth opens as my eyes focus on her. She’s taller than I am by several inches. She has long blonde hair that’s sleek and straight. It’s professionally highlighted so it looks like golden thread is weaved through her natural blonde. She has high cheekbones, a perfectly straight nose, and lips that are plump and pink—almost too plump. Is that filler?
