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“You and I have an expiration date. I always knew it was coming. I just never knew when,” he said, sipping on his wine.
“You don’t know that, Bryce. Nothing’s happened, nothing’s changed.”
“It’s Terry. I was there when you talked about him in group. I was with you when you got drunk and spilled the love story of the two of you. That man was the love of your life.” He sighed and looked around the apartment, his eyes not seeming to find any mark. “Our little arrangement couldn’t last forever, especially not with Terry in the picture.”
“Look I—” I began.
“I feel it. This is going to end us.” He looked downtrodden, and my guilt spread. “It’s fine. We had a wonderful run and it’s okay.”
“That’s not what’s happening here. Yes, this is Terry, but also...this is Terry. This is the man who broke me. This is the man that caused me to find...” I didn’t want to finish my sentence. I didn’t want to keep saying Terry’s name out loud to Bryce. It felt wrong. It felt like I was cheating on a man I didn’t belong to with a man who didn’t belong to me either.
I sighed and rubbed my temples. A headache was settling in, and it was totally killing the buzz I felt following a successful photo shoot and interview. Stupid Terry and stupid men. All stupid—except for the man who was sitting across from me.
“You need to relax,” Bryce informed me, reaching over and rubbing my leg. “Tell me about your day. Come on, this was a big day for you and Shoegasm, and I want to hear every last detail.”
His smile warmed my heart. I loved that he wanted to know all about the happenings in my life, despite the arrangement we had. We were there for each other when we needed it, but we weren’t exclusive and we weren’t a couple. We were more like a support system. It was exactly what I needed in my life, and frankly, it was all I had time for.
At least, that’s what I always told myself.
My smile widened and my heart soared thinking back on it. “It went really well, actually. Terry took some great pictures of me. You know how I hate having my picture taken?” I asked him, and he nodded in confirmation. “Well, he made it so easy. Like I was just hanging out with him. He made me smile and made me feel completely comfortable with my face being in the pictures instead of just the shoes.”
Bryce smiled the whole time I spoke. I could tell that he was happy for me. But my eyes didn’t miss the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when I mentioned how easy Terry had made everything for me.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you. I knew you would be a beautiful subject, whether it be of your feet or your gorgeous face.”
I flushed at his compliment. “Thank you.”
“How was the interview? Did she pry into the work that you do?”
“Yeah, she brought it up. I gave the standard stock answers that were prepared for me. She seemed to buy it. Although, Terry was there, and I think he may have heard.” I took a sip of my wine and contemplated what that might have meant.
Bryce watched me intently before speaking. “Do you think he figured anything out?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. The way you’re acting about it. You wouldn’t have brought it up if it didn’t bother you that he might know.” Bryce gave me a gentle smile, nudging me to talk about it. He was always doing that: pushing me to open up and say what was on my mind. It was one of the things I loved about him. He didn’t accept one-worded answers or half-truths. No, Bryce knew better, and he wanted to know what was plaguing me. He knew there was more to the answer than I gave him, that there was more than I was letting on.
“I’m not sure. With the answers I gave, I don’t think he would have been able to figure anything out. But my body language said otherwise, I think. Which is why I’m worried that he figured something out.” I swallowed another sip of wine before continuing. “I don’t want him asking me any questions.”
He nodded, reaching out and squeezing my thigh. “He’s gone now, right? Just here for that one shoot?”
I winced. This was the part I didn’t want to tell Bryce. I didn’t want him to know that Terry would be a reality in my life for a little while longer.
“Not exactly,” I said, watching Bryce’s face fall at the words. “You see, there’s sort of a relationship crisis happening with one of my employees in the Art Department. I overheard Ally asking him to stay and fix it for me. This will allow us to get the catalog done. So unfortunately, I think he’ll be there for a few weeks,” I admitted, afraid of what he might say about this new development.
“Oh, I see,” he said. He swallowed loudly in the quiet of the apartment. “It’s okay. You need him, your company needs him. I get it.”
“I just don’t want you to think he’s here to be any kind of replacement of you. That’s just not the case.” I reached out and gave his hand a squeeze, pleading with him to believe me.
“You and me; we’re different. We’re different from other relationships you’ve had. I know that—I get that. I also know what he was to you.” I went to interject, but he kept talking. “This doesn’t have to be a big deal for either of us. This doesn’t have to change anything. You don’t belong to me and I don’t belong to you, not in the technical sense. It’s okay.”
Bryce said the words too adamantly. I wasn’t sure anymore if he was trying to convince me or himself.
“Okay.”
“So,” Bryce said, a new light in his eyes, “are we still celebrating what a giant success you’re going to be because of your amazing day?”
Changing the subject in a way that brought us away from discussing his feelings—it was a true Bryce deflection. Unlike me, he never shared as much as I did. He kept things pretty close to the vest while he thought them through. Eventually, we would have a conversation about Terry. Eventually, he would tell me how he felt about it. But I wasn’t going to push. Right now, we were going to talk about our plans to go dancing. It was what we always did when one of us achieved some major milestone at work or had a birthday: we danced. And that is what we would do this weekend.
