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“Okay, maybe I will.” My hand stilled on her tattoo. She watched me the entire time I touched her. Her eyes would move from my hand to my face with a mix of emotions I couldn’t read. She liked the way I was touching her, but there was still some hesitation on her face. The hesitation, I could understand and deal with. But the delight on her face was something I hadn’t been expecting. I thought about pushing her to see how far I could stretch this newfound comfort zone we had found in each other. Quite different from where we found ourselves when I first approached her.
My hand moved across her tattoo, and our eyes met. Finally, ready to ask her a question, I spoke. “How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
Mia looked at me in confusion. I already knew the answer. “You...I...” She struggled to make a coherent sentence.
“You’re overthinking,” I told her.
“I was fifteen,” she answered with a smile.
“When did you first read Pride and Prejudice?”
“I was fourteen, I think.”
“Ready for the tougher stuff?” I said, giving her tattoo a pinch.
“Careful now,” she warned. “You’ll ruin the good thing we have going here.” The heavy way she stared at me made me think she was pleading with me not to ask the tougher questions.
But I couldn’t leave them be.
“Why do you still keep our old routines?” I asked, watching her carefully as my hand ghosted over her hip where the butterfly danced.
“It reminds me of a happier time, I guess. When things were simpler. You know?”
“Yeah, I do.” I gulped. I wondered if I could ask her another question or if that was the height of her reserve.
“Go ahead. I know what you want to say.”
“Do you now?” I taunted.
“Yes, I do. Just say it.”
It was on the tip of my tongue, but instead, I backed down.
“Favorite flavor of ice cream?” I asked, steering us back to safer topics. Anything to keep her talking. “You like it in the dark, remember?”
“Yes, I do. It means you’re still here.”
“Just answer me, Mia.”
“Fine. Cookies and cream.”
“Still eat it with a fork?” I asked.
“But of course. What else do you eat ice cream with?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A spoon maybe?” I goaded. She grabbed my hand and pulled it up and kissed it. Our eyes locked. “Just tell me what happened, Mia. It’s me; we’re in the dark. I’ll keep you safe.”
Mia broke our gaze and shook her head. “No, the whole point of being in the dark with you is to not have to relive it. It’s safe here. It’s like it never happened. I need that. I’ve needed this for a really long time.”
“What? Me or a constant state of denial?”
The question came out harsher than I’d intended. With that, Mia was on her feet and looking out at the skyline.
“Mia, I—” I said, standing behind her.
Mia held up her hand, silencing me. “Terry, I can tell there’s something you want to say, but please don’t.” She pleaded with her eyes. I knew that fighting her was useless, so I gave in.
I mentally kicked myself for allowing her to trick me into this in the dark deal. But I had to keep it up. In the end, it was the only way she would talk to me like we used to. This was the only way for me to have my Mia. So I kept all the questions that were on the tip of my tongue from making it past my lips. Instead, I chose to enjoy the evening with Mia, however she would allow me to have her.
