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“I never said I wanted to see him. You never even asked me how I was going to respond. Like I said, he doesn’t know about the time we’ve been spending together. He’s just someone who knows what I went through because he went through it too,” I admitted in a low voice. I hated letting Bryce’s secret out, but I thought it was the only way Terry would understand why we needed each other.
“Oh,” was all Terry said in reply. “I hadn’t realized. God, I can be such an ass sometimes.”
“Yep,” I agreed, “you really can. It’s a wonder I can even stand being around you.”
“Funny. Very funny.”
We lowered ourselves back onto the couch and looked out at the view. The sun would surely set soon. I hoped, anyway. I wanted this day—this night, that was supposed to be fun—over with.
“So is this a reconciliation?” Terry’s voice penetrated the silence. I felt a shiver run down my spine, and I shuddered. Terry, of course, felt it. “Are you cold?”
He grabbed the blanket that he’d brought up here with him and wrapped it around my shoulders. My cap-sleeved blouse wasn’t meant for the coolness of the roof.
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Are you going to answer my question? Are we back together?”
I sighed and turned toward him. “Is that what you want?”
“Since the minute I saw you.” His swift answer shocked me. He sounded so certain. It scared me a bit.
“Oh.”
“I knew the minute I saw you in that bookstore, at the photo shoot, and in the halls of this building, that you are impossible to get over. All the times I saw you at events and hid was just out of fear—I was afraid you would reject me. And in a way, you would have had every right to. But I couldn’t hear it. I was being a coward. I should have faced you head-on. Then I would have seen how amazing you still are and how we’re meant to be together.”
I didn’t know how to answer his declaration. I knew that part of me wanted to jump into his arms and tell him that ever since I saw him, all I wanted was him. I wanted our old life back. I wanted to use him to erase the moments of the past, because only he could do that. But I couldn’t. I needed to know what changed when he went to London.
“I need to know why you left me before I can take you back. I need to know that it won’t happen again. That there isn’t some child out there that’s going to eventually come walking into our lives and say, ‘Hey, Dad. It’s your weekend with me, remember?’ I need to know what happened. I deserve to know the truth.”
“Why do you think that some mystery kid will be coming to spend my weekend with me?”
“Because I have no idea why you left!” I screeched. “For all I know, you slept with some girl and got her pregnant when you went to London, and you couldn’t face it. So you just told me you couldn’t do this anymore. And in reality, you couldn’t because you were making it work with some model and the child you two share.”
The words came out in a rush. It was one of the many scenarios that had rattled around in my head. One of the worst ones that had kept me up at night.
“Mia.” Terry tried to pull me into his side, but I stayed rooted to my spot. “Come on, that’s not even close to why I left you. I never slept with anyone else in London when we were together. I could never do that to you. So, to answer your question: no, there will not be any kids coming to spend their weekend with me.”
“Okay, so that’s not it. So what is the reason?”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you really want to know?”
I punched him in the arm and laughed when he flinched. “Yes, I really want to know, dumbass. I’ve only been torturing myself with all the things it could be since the day you left me.”
“I swear it’s not going to live up to all that build up.”
“Terry,” I said, glaring at him.
“Fine.” He sighed again and reached for his wine and drained it. “I told you I couldn’t see you anymore because I didn’t want to end up hurting you worse in the long run. I was talking to this guy on set one day and he was telling me all about how disastrous his long-term relationship had been. All the time he thought he would have to talk to her, but they could never line up their schedules. All the weekends they tried to plan that kept falling through. He could tell they were on the verge of hating each other because of their resentment for the other. All the broken promises were starting to get to her, and the irritation was wearing thin on him. So he ended it. He advised me to do the same, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew he was right. I didn’t ever want to hate you, and I didn’t want you to hate me. Though, I realize now, that you hated me for dumping you. And the way I did it...it was awful. I get that now. But at the time, I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“That’s it?” I shook my head. “I can’t believe that’s the only reason you left me.”
“Yeah, well, I told you it would disappoint you.” He drew me to him, and this time I let him. “Do you forgive me?”
I sighed. Did I? I wasn’t sure. I wanted to, especially after the week we had just shared. “Well, I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. It felt like old times, only better.”
“Yeah, it has,” Terry agreed. “So this means...” His voice trailed off, and I wasn’t sure what to say.
I let him hear my fear. “What happens when you’re done with the stint at Shoegasm? What happens when you run all around the world again and leave me behind? Are you going to do the same thing?”
“No,” he stated, his voice coming out strong. I could tell he meant it. “I won’t do that to you again. I will talk to you. I promise you, I will. These past few weeks that I’ve been here with you have made me realize I haven’t been truly happy without you. It’s like you brought me back to life.”
“I know what you mean.” I smiled up at him. I loved the shining brown eyes that met mine. They were gorgeous, just like the man they belonged to. “Okay, yeah, fine. I guess this is a reconciliation. But I swear to God, Terry, if you pull any more bullshit, I will rip off your balls and shove them down your throat.”
Terry howled with laughter and kissed me on the forehead. “You’ve got yourself a very painful deal. Now, let’s go home, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, let’s,” I said.
Terry led me off the roof, and we went back to our old apartment. We had sex in our old bed. And as Terry made love to me, he kept saying ‘mine.’ In a way, it felt like he was fucking me into submission. I, of course, was more than happy to call back ‘yours’ as he fucked me senseless. But at that point, I was pretty sure I would have agreed to anything—the sex really was that good. A conversation with Bryce was going to be in order, but right now, I couldn’t think of that. All I could think about were the rounds of orgasms Terry had given me that night.
