Page 108 of Lust For


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“Hey, way to take me down with you,” Aiden says, then laughs and shakes his head.

“I miss being back here with you two,” I remark. “Things were much simpler when we were kids.”

“I don’t know about that,” Derek says. “I remember we got in a lot more shit back then. Boosting alcohol from your parents’ stash was always tricky.”

“I remember those days. But I also remember how much fun it was having them around when we were kids. All the barbecues and the trips they took us on. Friday night movie nights in the backyard.” My eyes tear up as I remind them of all the fun we used to have with them. It doesn’t really surprise me that Derek remembers all the shit we got into.

“Yeah, those were some good times,” Aiden agrees.

“I loved growing up beside you guys. It was great. The only time I felt like I had family.”

We stay up for a bit longer telling stories, and then Aiden goes inside.

“What are we going to do when you leave here?” Derek asks me. “When will I see you again?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. But I know I can’t go back to LA with you. I need to stay here if I want to retain some of my clients.” I remind him that I have a job; one that I would still like to keep.

“What if you did your job from there?” he asks.

“What if you did your job from here?” I parrot back.

“Well, mine is a little harder. All my contacts, agents, and manger are in LA.”

“New York isn’t that far away, and people make that work all the time. Look at Jay Z.”

That makes Derek laugh out loud. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. What if you all stayed around here? Helped out Mom.”

“I think we should have this conversation when you’re not feeling all nostalgic,” he says.

We’re quiet for a bit as I watch the yellow and orange flames dance before me.

He finally breaks the silence. “You know, I bet you could train people in LA. I bet there are people who are looking for personal trainers there. It is LA, after all. Look at all the aspiring actresses and the people that need to be in shape because, hello, it’s LA. There’s even an NWSL team there. What if you trained them? I bet Dale could pull some strings.”

I sigh, leaning back in my chair. I had hoped he wouldn’t bring this up. “It’s like feminism isn’t even a thing. Why would you just assume I would follow you?”

“Because it makes the most sense.”

“I thought we were doing long distance?” I remind him.

“I want to be with you more than that. Like what if you went on our next tour with us? Wouldn’t that be fun?”

He’s right, we shouldn’t be having this conversation right now. Because I say the thing I don’t even believe, but the grief and anger make it come out. “What, so you don’t get yourself into trouble? So, you can keep true to your word and not screw around?”

He jumps up and begins to pace. “I can’t even believe you would say something like that to me. Is that really what you think I would do?”

I look at him and sigh. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about this right now. You said we shouldn’t, but you pushed me, so now I—”

“So now you’re just saying shit to be mean? Damn, Audrey, I love you. Remember? I wanna be with you. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time and having you with me is a big part of that. I’m sorry that I want to keep you with me for as long as I can. Damn, it’s not so I won’t fucking cheat.”

I feel like I’m two inches tall right now. I shouldn’t have said it. I should have just kept my mouth shut. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Yeah, but later is coming quick,” he reminds me. “You leave tomorrow.”

“I know. But I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Okay. But I do not want to end this conversation with a breakup. Understand?”

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