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“I love you,” he whispers, and I cling to him, sobbing into his neck. I’m not usually such an emotional mess and I haven’t even told him what prompted me to send the text message in the first place. But I don’t.
For a long moment he doesn’t move, then he lifts one hand and runs his fingers down the side of my face. I can feel how badly he’s trembling and realise just how insecure he’s feeling right now, and I really don’t understand why. And maybe that proves he’s got a point. I tilt my head, pressing my lips to his, and he kisses me. His tongue sweeps into my mouth as he steps between my legs, drawing my body tight in against his.
I return the kiss, spearing my fingers through his hair and trying to stop him from moving away from me. I panic for a moment as he bows his body away from mine without separating our lips, then puts his hands inside my dressing gown and spreads it open. The thin silk slips down over my shoulders, puddling around my hips on the counter, leaving me naked.
“What—”
“For once, Jocelyn, we’re going to do exactly what I want. I don’t want to be with you if I’m always the one on the bottom—”
“But you’re not—”
“It feels like that too often. It’s how things usually are between us and that’s fine, but, tonight… tonight I need to know that sometimes, even if it’s very occasionally,that things can be different. That you really do love me enough to—”
“To let you be in control?” He nods and I smile at him.
I gaze into his eyes, seeing the uncertainty in them for once, and I don’t like it.
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
He stiffens and his face falls and I realise he’s taken my words the wrong way.
“No!” I say. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Like… I don’t know. I don’t understand. Why are you thinking like this?”
“I don’t know, Jocelyn. But I just need… I just need this. To know. To be sure. Even if it’s just this once. To know that… that my wants and needs count, too.”
“Of course they do,” I whisper. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”
“I want you to do whatever I tell you,” he says.
I smile up at him. “I can do that.”
He nods briefly, acknowledging my words, and then he kisses a path down my face and neck before sucking my nipple into his mouth. He gives the other one the same attention, then gently bites down on it before straightening up. His hands move to my thighs and he pushes my legs wide apart, smiling when I let him.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers and I think he’s going to go down on me, but instead he opens his fly and pulls out his cock. He’s already hard so he lines up our bodies and slides easily inside me. I cry out as he moves, hard and fast, and drop back onto my elbows, staring down along my stomach at the place where we’re joined, loving the feel of him inside me,as if he’s a missing part of me, a piece that completes me. I smile at the sight of the patches of green body paint I’ve heard so many complaints about from Matt, then frown.
“Where did the purple come from?”
He stops thrusting, leaving just the tip of himself inside me.
“What?”
“The purple body paint.” There’s silence for a moment I wiggle a little, trying to force him inside me and thankfully he thrusts inside me again, then holds his position and sighs.
“Jocelyn—”
“Ben?”
“Well…”
“Just tell me. Please.”
“It’s Alicia’s. She was trying it on again tonight after the show and—”
“Is that why you’re so upset?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. Yes.”
He looks at me, then rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry. She just… she just put all these doubts in my head about us. And…”
