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“I just… I just needed to get back here as soon as possible. I thought—“” He runs his hand through his hair and looks at the floor as if memorising the pattern on the tiles.
“You didn’t even take your jacket off before you fucked me,” I point out as I push his jacket off his shoulders, then catch it and hang it on the back of one of the chairs. I notice the green streaks on my hand again and hold it up.
“I was desperate,” he says. “The whole performance, the whole time I was in the shower—”
“With Alicia?” I ask, hoping that he wasn’t with her, but part of me needs to be sure.
“No, not with Alicia, although she tried her best, but no… The whole way home, Joss. All I could think of was you. Both of you.” He holds out a hand as I grip his t-shirt and try to pull it off over his head. It ends up caught around Matt’s arm and I leave the two of them to deal with that as I slide my hands insidehis jeans and over his cold, damp skin before pushing them off. He and Matt are kissing and I curse a couple of times before I get them down low enough that he kicks them off.
I roll my eyes as I wander away from them, but turn back from the doorway to watch the way the two of them are holding each other, still kissing. I roll my eyes. So much for Matt insisting that talking needed to come first, but the sight of the two of them stirs something deep inside me. They were a couple long before I came along, and I know they’ve had other women making up their threesome. But it doesn’t matter. I hurry to the bedroom and pull open a cupboard, removing a couple of blankets from a shelf.
“In the lounge,” I say, heading in that direction rather than back to the kitchen and I’m pleased when I hear them following me.
Before I can sit down, Ben hurries over and lifts me up, flopping down with me in his arms so that I’m sitting on top of him. Matt sits down beside him, shaking his head.
“She brought blankets, Ben,” You could have put one down before you put your arse on my sofa.”
“Excuse me, we both bought this sofa,” Ben argues.
“And you’re the only one making a mess of it,” I say. “Up!”
He pushes me onto Matt’s lap and stands up, spreading one of the blankets over the seat and sitting down on it. Then he pulls me back across onto his lap and I pull the other blanket over myself, shivering as I snuggle into him. My body’s still in need of the orgasm he failed to give me in the kitchen and I canfeel their combined cum on my inner thighs. I wriggle on his lap and nip at his lips.
“Talk first, Jocelyn,” Matt reminds me. “Then we’ll see what happens.
I blink at his choice of words. Usually he’d simply say that we’d fuck or cum or something like that. But this time… This time we’re waiting to see and I don’t want to wait and see. I want it to be a sure thing. I look over at Matt, hoping for reassurance, but all I see in his eyes is doubt.
Ben
Idon’t want todo this. Have this conversation, I mean. Matt knows me too well and can see through the jokey exterior to the scared boy beneath the surface. And that goddamn paint. Joss has been remarkably forgiving about the two roles I’ve had since we performed together during the summer. It just so happens that both have involved nudity and October’s show involved simulated sex with another woman. That one was easier, however, as the woman involved was a friend of Joss’s and, more importantly, a lesbian, so that caused very few problems between us.
There are always issues with long-distance relationships, and we’ve been lucky that Joss has been in Edinburgh or Glasgow pretty much every second weekend since she went back to her posh Island Academy in September. We’ve even visited ourselves twice, although both times only for one night, thanks to her and Matt’s mutual friend Rohan owning a cottage on the island, which he let us use both times.
Our relationship isn’t only sexual. If that were the case, then it wouldn’t have lasted. All three of us could find other partners if we wanted to. Matt and Ihave been a couple for three years and lived together for about two of those. He’s the one with the money, but I contribute where I can, either with cash or doing what I can to help inAmuse-Bouche, his macaron shop. Our relationship isn’t purely sexual either, although I’m not going to deny that it’s a bloody big part of it. We complement each other in the bedroom extremely well, and I particularly appreciate that with him I can be a bottom in the bedroom without him making me feel any less… powerful — I’m not sure that powerful is the right word — in the rest of my life.
He’s a top, a very dominant top, at that. While Jocelyn… there’s no denying that Joss has changed the dynamic between us. Strangely, we’ve become closer and when she’s away at college, I find myself sleeping in Matt’s bed more often than I did in the past. We both have our own bedrooms, while Joss doesn’t. She sleeps in with one or other of us, although she keeps her things in Matt’s room because I’m not the tidiest. Or so she says.
Now I’m wondering if it’s because she likes him better. Do the two of them see me as a third wheel who is just here for some fun at the moment, but at some point won’t be necessary anymore? Alicia wasn’t wrong. Those two could become a real couple at some point. I shake my head,, trying to shake her poison from my thoughts. I have to stop thinking like that, but it’s hard. We have a real relationship. Matt and I have a real relationship, even if it’s one that’s only been recognised and accepted for little more than a decade by the legal system. And yet… and yet, I worry that they’ll realise their lives will beeasier, better without me. They can be a nice normal couple, get married, have kids, be invited to all the best dinner parties and not miss me at all.
“Ben?”
Both of them are staring at me, clearly concerned.
“What’s wrong?” Joss says, shifting a little on my lap. But I can’t even begin to think about how to answer her. She slides her hand under the blanket, teasing my nipple for a moment or two, then sliding her hand lower to circle my cock. It hardens in response to her touch and I gasp but I can’t think how else to respond. What if this is the last time she touches me like this?
“Stop, Jocelyn,” Matt says and I turn to him. Does he not even want her to touch me this one last time? Even if he gets to have her all to himself forever more. How is that fair? I clench my fists against the soft blanket Matt made me sit on. “Ben, what are you thinking? You need to tell us. You’re scaring Jocelyn. You’re scaring me.”
“How… how am I scaring you?” I ask, confused.
I look down at Jocelyn and see her eyes are full of tears. I watch as a few brim over and slide down her cheeks. She sits up a little on my lap, pulling away from me, moving towards Matt. So, I was right. I go to stand up again, but Matt’s hand grabs for my shoulder.
“Sit,” he demands. I can’t resist following each and every command he gives me, so I allow myself to be pushed back down. Angry that I can’t even stand up for myself even now. With Matt, I’m always on the bottom. As I am much of the time with Jocelyn, too. No one ever tops Matt. Joss is a switch and while she lets me dominate her sometimes, most of the time she’s the one ordering me around. If they really lovedme, surely they would see that I had other needs, too? Needs that even Alicia can see are not being met. I groan and drop my head into my hands, pulling at my hair.
“Ben…” Joss begins.
“You need to start talking, Ben, because Joss needs to know what you think about what she said earlier and the longer it’s taking you to talk, the more and more uncertain she’s getting. Don't you understand that? She thinks you don’t love her back.”
“But…” I stare up at him. She thinks I don’t love her? How can she think that? But when I look at her again, the tears are sliding down her face and she looks so unsure and… Is what Matt said true? Is it my behaviour causing this? But…
