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Rex, I think, I sort of tripped and fell into. A little head over heels, sort of like I was drunk. Champagne bubbles bursting in my veins with his attention, fun and carefree, loving. His heart on his sleeve, a teasing smirk on his mouth. Confident in himself enough not to hide his affections for me, or for Lynx, even if Lynx doesn’t see it. A tether that only seemed to tighten us closer together.
I’m not sure when I fell for Flynn. Terror strangled with a strange curiosity, a noose of daisies around my neck, something that made me fall into him instead of away. Letting that fear bind me to him, in blood, in lust, in love. Possessive protection. Something I have craved my entire life and found in a man with brutal hands.
I finally think of Bennett.
Just on the other side of the door, I can see his shadow beneath it, the gap darkened by his presence, so close to the door, and my own throat chokes me, stopping me from calling out to him.
He is easy to just exist with, in silence or laughter. Even with his overbearing nature, the way he needs control, to protect the people he cares about most. He is darkness and goodness and home.
That’s what each of these men ground me with. A feeling, I’m not sure I’ve felt, even before my mother was killed, of home. Warmth and comfort and love.
So much love it makes my chest cavity squeeze. Too tight. Too much. Suffocating. I’ve never known love because I’m not designed for it. It’s undeserved, and I don’t know how to convince myself otherwise. I’m not even sure I could, I just, I haven’t earned it.
I almost came between these men, they were fine before me, they'll be fine after me. It’s only me who won’t be.
The razorblade glints under the flicker of candlelight as I pick it up from the edge of the tub, swaying orange waves of warmth splashed across the bathroom walls. I stare at it between my fingers, having found it easily in Bennett’s cabinet below the sink, the mirrored surface catching the reflection of the water. Of me.
I stare at my eyes in the blade, red licks over the whites, the colour of my irises bland and dull, I look lifeless. I wonder what it would take. How long.
Warm hands cover my own, lifted out of the tub, above the water, taking the razor from my numb fingers. I don’t know how long I was spaced out for, but I blink, my teeth suddenly chattering, my body alerting me to the cold temperature of the water.
And the room is full, as I look up, five faces all staring down at me in the now bubbleless, clear water. Nothing shielding me from them, but not one of them looks at me like that, all of their eyes only on my own.
“Sorry,” I say, voice cracking, dry, underused, I blink, looking down, holding their gazes just too much.
I catch sight of it then, the colour of me, a sharp inhale sucking in through my teeth at the mess of purples, blues and greens.
“You’re perfect,” King says automatically, drawing my gaze, not looking at my body, and I see him looking at me like he didthat night we were together, alone in his room, confessions in the night. “You’re perfect, Princess.”
A sob chokes up my throat, and I’m so tired of crying, but I can't seem to stop.
“Come on, Angel,” Flynn rumbles, his blue eyes tight, inky curls a frizzy mess, torso bare, jogging bottoms sitting low on his hips.
Rex steps up closer beside him, a big black towel open in his hands, “Let’s get you out, Kitten,” he smiles gently, before pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.
It’s Bennett that reaches for me, his strong hands, long fingers, warm tanned skin, slips beneath my arms and I grit my teeth at the pain, my entire body hanging limp as he lifts me, everything feeling so heavy. King lifting my feet over the lip of the porcelain with a gentleness you wouldn’t think him capable of.
Lynx reaching down into the water, pulling the plug as Rex helps get the towels around me. Raiden squeezing the ends of my hair in another, all whilst Bennett and Flynn have hold of me. Two such different men, strong and hard and soft, all in different ways. But they treat me like a glass doll as they take care of me and I can’t stop the tears as they carry me into Bennett’s bedroom.
A freestanding corner light, a table lamp on the other side of the large bed switched on. Dark grey walls and silver sheets, heavy curtains drawn across what I suspect is a large window behind them.
Flynn settles me in his lap, cradling me to his chest, I bury my face in the hollow of his throat, breathe him in, vanilla and sandalwood. His big hand covers the entirety of my head, thick fingers gentle as he smooths my damp hair.
“We wanna talk to you, just for a minute, if you’re up to it,” Lynx is the first Adams brother to speak, finally, my back to him as Flynn settles me closer in his lap.
“You okay to listen, Angel?” Flynn rumbles and I know it’s not me he’s looking down at as he says it, despite my eyes being closed very tightly, my nose pressing to the top of his bare tattooed chest, I nod my head against him. “Good girl,” he whispers and he presses a kiss to the top of my head, scalp tingling as he rests his chin there.
Smoothing my hair back, exposing my ears and I push into him further at the uncomfortable feeling. And like he knows, he drags my hair back down, recovering them and I relax again.
Blinking, I open my eyes, lift my chin, turning my head just enough to see Lynx dropped into a crouch between Flynn’s feet. Pain in his eyes that makes my own heat, my bottom lip trembling as I stare at him and think of all the ways he hurt me, and I don’t care about any of it.
“I’m so sorry, Treasure,” his voice cracks on his whisper, the back of his thick fingers coming to press lightly against my hot cheek. “I’m so sorry, for everything. I don’t have an excuse, I’m just sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I whisper, my throat sore, tight, “I’m sorry,” my chin quivers, my chest vibrating.
Lynx frowns, his fingers a welcome coldness against my burning cheek, “You never did anything to me to apologize for.” I lift my gaze slowly, raising my eyes over his head, overtop of his bleached blonde hair, my eyes locking on Bennett’s dark brown ones. “Oh,” Lynx says quietly, following my gaze and still looking at Bennett, my heart thudding harder and harder, Lynx directs my chin down, the other side of my face still pressed to Flynn’s chest. “I don’t care about that,” he murmurs, just for me, “I want you to be happy,” he swallows, wincing as he looks back up at me, those gorgeous warm eyes flicking between mine.
It makes my mouth dry, the way he is just so beautiful.
