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“She was prettier than me,”was,“she had these big blue eyes, tiny little freckles across her nose.” Poppy’s eyes glaze over, mouth turning down, “I can hardly remember what she sounded like now.” She swallows, looking up at me, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
“What happened to her?” I ask her softly, holding her tight.
“She was killed,” she looks away, choking a little on the words, “by an intruder,” her eyes seem to glaze, frown lines marking her head, and she bites her lip, doesn’t say anything more.
“I’m so sorry, Poppy,” I tell her, feeling the small tremor wracking through her.
“That’s why I don’t like the dark,” she whispers like an unconscious confession, “because of the cupboard.”
“The cupboard?” I repeat back, trying to remain smooth in my tone, even though anxiety pricks at my skin.
“She put me inside a kitchen cabinet, and told me not to come out until she came back for me.” She swallows, holding my eye, “I listened to her… as she was raped and murdered in the front hall,” she drops her gaze. “She never came back for me.” Her eyes flick up onto mine, glassy, “I was five.”Five.“I found her,” she whispers, “I found her.”
“Jesus, Poppy,” I breathe, smoothing my hand over her hair. “I’m sorry, Princess.” I shake my head, offering her a small, sad smile, “That must have been really hard, growing up without your mom.”
She nods, sniffing, she swallows, “Yeah, I get like, anxiety and stuff now,” she frowns hard like she’s somewhere else. “It took me a long time to try and move past it,” she rasps, her voice low and cracked. “Don’t think I ever will.” There’s that almost guilty look in her eyes as she looks away, something haunting her, but she doesn't elaborate.
“What about your dad?” I ask next, instantly regretting it as she tries to smother her wince.
“He was never very good with children.” Poppy wrinkles her nose, “With me.”
“How come?” I shouldn’t press, but it’s like my insides compel me to push, like I need to know.
She seems to think about her answer. Like she’s reliving something and it makes me want to pull her back from wherever it is she went. I don’t want to ask her any more fucking questions.
My lungs seize, heart slowing to a frightening thud in my chest.
“Poppy?” I say, fingers squeezing her shoulder. “You okay, Princess?”
“Yeah,” she shakes her head.
Wiping a lone tear against my chest, sniffing quickly as she looks back up at me, getting herself composed, like she’s just flipped a switch. Smiling a little with dead eyes again.
My heart thuds harder, aching for this girl, I’m not sure it’s ever hurt for anyone before. I peer over at the wall, thinking about my own mom, happy with my dad.Lucky,she says we are.
I should call her soon.
“Tell me a secret,” Poppy whispers, her warm breath ghosting over my nipple, hardening it into a point and I want to flip her over, fuck into her all over again, make her forget for just a moment. “Something no one else knows.”
Secrets are something I only share with my brothers, because I never feel safe. I don’t like to feel vulnerable. But my mouth runs away without me anyway, like she could summon my demons, pet their heads to tame them. And I could… purge them,with her.
“When I was fifteen I was…touched,” my heart skips a beat and Poppy stiffens, my thumb brushing up and down against her warm, soft skin. “I thought boys couldn’t get raped by girls. So I didn’t tell anyone that I had said no.” I shrug, staring across the blue lit room, lights I leave on every night now just for Poppy, even if she’s not here. “When it kept happening, I thought it was cool, Iconvincedmyself it was good. It felt good. I should like it. What was wrong with me that I didn’t? That I didn’t want this older woman touching me and making me come.” I swallow, whispering, “I thought I was gay. I had to be. To not like it.”
I think of crying as I came in her hand, her mouth. I think of the vomit, the bed wetting. The night terrors.
“One day, Lynx came home early from practice,” I swallow, thinking of his red sweaty face, his damp hair, those warm brown eyes seeing it all. “He stopped it,” I breathe, “he threatened to hurt her.”If you don’t get the fuck away from him, I’ll slit your goddamn throat.“She laughed it all off, said we were justplaying,but I grew up with Lynx in that house, he knew me too well for that shit.”
“What happened to…” Poppy swallows, glancing down at her hand on my chest, big eyes coming back to me as I look at down at her, chin dipping.“Her?”
Bennett and Flynn took care of her.
“My older brother reported it, but the woman ran. No one’s ever heard from her again.”
“Oh my god,” Poppy gasps, digging her nails into my skin. “So she could be out there somewhere still, what if she-” Poppy’s eyes flick between my own. “What if she comes back?”
Earthworms will have finished her off by now.
I smile, and it feels real, “She won’t be coming back, Princess.”
