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In this moment, I almost want to bash my head against the tiles until blood comes out of my ears and I'm not even sure why. I'm not even sure why, but my high is a curse as a giggle bursts free of my lips, my jaw aching and heavy and that's when he finally looks at me.
“You're a fucking mess,” he spits at me, fury and vitriol, malice pronounced in every word.
That's when I flinch.
“You're a junkie fucking whore. Can't go one night without fucking pills. I could have been anyone just then, slamming his way inside of you, and you wouldn't have cared would you? Just want a cock shoved so deep inside you that you don't have to think.”
“Lynx,no,please, I don't- I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry,” my bottom lip trembles even as my skin aches with the need for him to touch me, if he would just touch me, everything would be better again. “Please, Lynx, it's not like that, I don't- I thought…”
“Yeah,” he huffs with mocking, a strangled sort of dark laugh puffing between his pretty lips. “I don't really think you actually do that.”
“Do what?”
“Think,”he hisses, shoving a hand through his wet, bleached blonde hair, revealing more of his smooth face, that luscious olive tanned skin. “You don't use that fucking head of yours at all, if you did, you wouldn't be fucking high right now, naked, in a co-ed fucking shower room with a guy you just fucking met.”
I blink. It's true, we only just met, but there's something more. Here. Between us. We're something more.Hesaid that. Lynx said that. He told me…
I don't understand.
I don't understand what's happening.
The Molly rips through my veins now, and my trembling lips curl up into yet another smile that I don't want. Can't stop. My entire body riding a high that has my cracking heart pounding in an insane rhythm.
My limbs ache, but my body's numb, and as cum drips down the inside of my squeezed thighs, I think I'm going to pee at the realisation that we just had unprotected sex.Again.And I'm not prepared for a responsibility likethat.
Just somejunkie whore.
“We're done with you, Poppy. All of us. We're done.”
The world starts to tumble down around me, crashing and swirling and breaking apart.
“Oh my god,” I whisper it, the words spilling from my tongue like I wish the ground would fucking swallow me up.“Oh my god.”
I knew this was going to happen. I knew they were going to do this to me. So why the fuck does it hurt so much?
Because I let them in.
Shame floods my cheeks with heat.
I drop my gaze, hate my fucking self, and I'm going to pee, and I'm laughing again, with tears in my eyes, I'm fucking laughing, because of the Molly, the shame, self-hatred.
God, I fucking hate myself.
Lynx walks away. He just walks away, he steps backwards without looking at me, out of the shower, shaking his head, leaving the curtain open as he turns his back on me, and the bathroom isnotempty. A camera flashes in my fucking face, laughter flooding the echoing space, steam being sucked out ofthe cubicle into the cold room. But I can't even reach forward to pull the curtain closed. Watching, dumbfounded, as Lynx stalks past the small group of people and out of the door, all without looking back.
Once he's gone, finally, my limbs seem to work again, and I tear the curtain closed. My brain feels like it's on fire. Tears spill down my cheeks and my ears ring, pain bolts through my cheek, my head, my jaw and I clench my teeth, grinding my molars and I still can't wipe the drug induced smile off of my face, even as my tears wash down the drain.
Chapter 23
FLYNN
Twenty-eight hours and sixteen minutes.
That's how long it's been since I saw her, had her within my grasp. In my office, in my chair, I sniffed the leather earlier and found no trace of her, which was… more than a little disappointing. I like that she's my last session of the day today, hopefully she'll linger in my senses for longer. See that light lilac gaze in my mind's eye for far longer than it takes to come in my own hand.
Four-p.m..
The snow isn't stopping, only growing thicker, settling heavier, almost a month earlier than average. It's still January, and February is when we normally get snow, if we get any at all. But I like it, the afternoons being darker, the sky filled with gray, it makes my dimly lit office all the cozier.
