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“It’s okay,” he says smoothly, automatically. “You didn’t do it, you didn’t hurt her,” he coos like he can see inside my fucking head. “It’s okay.”
“None of this is okay,” my voice breaks as I say it, fisting my hands, Rex dropping his, slowly to his sides.
How could I not know?
I think of Rex, of Lynx, their fight, the way Lynx laughed maniacally because Rex knew about Poppy and the pills, and didn't say anything. He never said how he found out about it either.
“How did you know?” the words slip off of my tongue as easy as breathing and I don’t need to add anything else to my question.
The way his pale green eyes narrow, seeming to darken as his pupils flare, a hand shoving through his ashy brown hair, he drops his gaze, shifting his feet, sneakers squeaking loudly in the empty hall, before he lifts his gaze back to mine.
“I saw her in the library,” he sighs, tapping his fingers over his mouth as he tries not to mumble. “Her eyes gave her away, she was sluggish, but she was sad and I got angry.” He shakes his head, still holding my gaze, confessing. “I didn’t handle ithow I should have,” he says these words lower, quietly, despite the abandoned hall, only he and I, and the class beyond the very solid door. “I was scared.” Shame highlights his cheeks in a bloom of pink, his fingers drumming over his lips harder. “I scared her, I think, being so… and she’d been with Flynn before. I fucked up and then I said nothing about it because it was after. Ya know, everything. I thought it didn’t matter because we weren’t supposed to care.” He shrugs his shoulders, arms limp, fingers still fidgeting over his mouth.
When did we stop communicating?
Why have I missed all of these things?
She brought me back my light, and I let hers die.
“It’s okay.” My turn to reassure him now, it’s what we do, whenever one of us fucks up, acceptance, quickly followed by forgiveness.
Why couldn’t we do that for her?
“I don’t wanna lose her, Raiden,” Rex breathes deep, breath rushing out of his nose as he sighs.
“What about Lynx?” I swallow, thinking of Lynx’s silence.
A punishment for himself.
We need to stop that, and soon.
“He slept in my room last night,” Rex glances at the door at my back, a stampede of feet quickly approaching. “I think he’ll be all right, whatever happens,” he says reluctantly, like it’s only half a lie if he tells it to himself. “He’s in love with her,” he smiles, dropping his gaze as his lips twist with a grimace.
“And?” I coax, stepping closer, hearing the door click open at my back, but I don’t look even as Rex takes a couple steps back, watching for Poppy, before he switches his gaze back to me.
“AndI’min love withhim, but I don’t want that to interfere,” he swallows, gripping the nape of his neck. “I don’t want that to interfere with his feelings for her. And I’m happy for him, if that’s what he wants.”
“You want her too?” I ask it, knowing he does, but Rex has this nervous habit of catering too much to everyone else's feelings and shoving his own to the bottom of the pile.
Something else we all need to pay closer attention to, too.
“Not if it-”
“Hendrix,” I hush, stepping into him, his back almost flush with the adjacent wall to the lecture hall. “Do you want her too?” My eyes flicker between his, his fingers dropping from his mouth, curling into his palms, I can tell by the way his shoulders flex.
“Yes,” he nods, just once, his hair brushing my face as he does.
“Good,” I say, “then you should tell Lynx how you feel,” I tell him, drawing in a breath, glancing over my shoulder, his green eyes running over everyone passing at my back. “Let’s go get our girl.”
Chapter 39
POPPY
Eye socket knocking with every too deep breath I take, pain strikes through my brain cavity, skull aching from the bruising in my face, to my head.
It is constant, the pound of physical pain, memories haunting me night and, now, day.
Train.
