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“Prick,” Ezra mumbled under his breath, shifting to watch Hayden amble down the walkway and back into the party beyond.
While I stood there panting and trying to catch my breath. Ezra eased up, concern etched on his face. “Are you okay?”
My nod was shaky. “I’m fine.”
Except it didn’t feel like I was. Because this felt like…something. I just needed to check the journal to be sure. Because there had to be a connection.
FORTY-NINE
EZRA
“Don’t even sit there and act like we all haven’t noticed you snuggled up with Savannah.” Ryder nudged me in the leg with the toe of his boot, dude sitting there smug as all fuck. “I called that shit from a mile away.”
Chuckling, Cody readjusted the brim of his hat as he slung himself back farther on his chair. “Good thing I didn’t go after her because my heart would be broken right now.”
“Funny, though, that he was only trying to help someone out who seemed like she was down on her luck,” Caleb jabbed.
I merely shrugged as I took a sip of my beer, not even trying to fight the grin that rose to the surface. I was too goddamn happy to front any annoyance at the barbs they were throwing.
Now Hayden Obermeyer trying to get his disgusting hands on Savannah? That was an entirely different story. Asshole was lucky I didn’t rip off his dick and shove it down his throat.
Cody laughed as he hooked his thumb at me. “Asshole is clearly in deep because he’s not even denying it.”
Savannah took that opportune time to sweep that aqua gaze my direction from where she stood across the yard.
It felt like the air shifted every time she looked at me, and it was a damned good thing I was sitting because otherwise it would have knocked me from my feet. I maintained eye contact with her when I said, “Now tell me why the hell anyone would deny someone like that?”
My crew hooted around me.
“Only a fool, that’s who,” Cody said, his grin out of control as he looked over at me. “So glad to see it.”
The trio of them sobered, like they weren’t quite sure how to handle the fact that I was moving on. Thinking they might be treading into dangerous territory, about to rip the scab off a wound that wouldn’t heal.
They wouldn’t have felt that way if I hadn’t kept playing this charade that felt like a bad costume that just didn’t fit.
“Yeah, man,” Ryder added, taking me by the shoulder from where he sat next to me and shaking me a little. “Makes me happy, too, to see you stepping out and finding joy. Making a new life.”
There was sympathy in the middle of it, radiating from all three of them. My stomach soured. I realized it was a secret I could no longer contain, this pretense that no longer made sense to carry. One that was weighing every single one of us down.
“I’ve been trying to make a new life for a long time. Longer than you all know.”
It went silent for a minute as the three of them glanced at each other in confusion. I blew out a sigh. “I know you all think that I lost the love of my life when Brianna died. Truth was, I’d already moved out and was getting ready to file for divorce.”
Shock deepened that silence as Cody, Ryder, and Caleb tried to process what I was telling them.
“What the hell, man?” Ryder finally said. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
Air huffed from my nose. “After what happened to Brianna? It didn’t feel right to tell anyone. It felt like I was dishonoring her memory by repainting the picture you all had of her. But I can’t go on pretending that, not when it feels like a disrespect to Savannah. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“God, I can’t believe this. Talk about a mindfuck,” Ryder mumbled, peering my direction like he was looking for a brand-new lie. A frown dented between his eyes. “At the beginning, you always seemed so fucking solid. But if I think about it, I do remember thinking things felt off with you two after the boys were born. I just thought you both were stretched thin with having three kids so small. What happened?”
My head shook, my frustration and anger over the situation making me itch. I’d suppressed it for so long that I think it’d been distorted. That I’d never really allowed myself to feel it. Guilt over what had happened to Brianna had glided in to blot out the memories of how hurt I’d been. The love lost. Every fucking wound that she’d inflicted.
I told them everything I’d told Savannah, the way she’d started acting erratically. The drinking. The staying out until random hours. The lies. The way she’d grown paranoid.
