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I thought I was supposed to be the mature one, huh? I reply.
I imagine him smirking as his text arrives. Maybe I’m learning from you. How are you feeling? Tonight’s been one hell of a rollercoaster.
I’m okay, I reply. I wish you were here. I don’t think I could give you what you want, though.
Don’t get hung up on that, he tells me. If I have to keep reminding you that we’ve got all the time in the world, I will. Anyway, even if your horny slit wants to get all shy, I’ve still got the pleasure of spanking your perfectly plump, round ass, making it all red. Hell, you should probably tell me to stop.
Why? Are you getting too excited? A thrill runs through me.
Way too excited, he replies.
I bite my lip, wondering if I should type the next bit. Before I have a chance to flip-flop, I force myself to type the message quickly. A big point Mom had was about the future. She wants to know if we have a future together. I didn’t know what to tell her. On the one hand, it’s sort of strange. The girls in college would never talk about the future after a week, but I’m not like them.
You’re one of a kind, Ruby. The answer is simple. We’ve got the rest of our lives together. What else did you think I meant when I said you belong to me?
A wide smile spreads across my face. My cheeks feel like they’re heating up. What does that mean, though?
It means we’re going to get married. It means we’re going to have children. It means we’ll be happier than I thought a man like me could be. It means every single second of every single day for the rest of our lives, you’ll be MINE. It means I’m always going to protect you. It means I’m always going to be there for you. It means no other woman will ever get a single moment of my attention, and no man will get yours. It means we’re going to fuse, Ruby—you and me like one big glittering diamond.
My breath comes quickly as I read, unsure how to reply, and then those three dots appear.
You know it’s serious when a dark, broody mafia man says things like “one big glittering diamond.”
Do you really want all that? I ask.
More than anything. I don’t just want it. I NEED it. Tell me you need the same.
I do, I reply, tears stinging my eyes, threatening to start sliding down my cheeks. I want you. I want the future, but there’s an issue, Luca.
What issue?
I wonder if I should lie to him. He’s got the whole future planned out, and I want it, too. I want it so freaking badly, but I haven’t lied to him so far. Our connection has been magical and unlikely and, some would say, insane, but it’s been honest.
During the rare times that I’ve let myself think about finding a man, I’ve always been sure about one thing. I don’t want kids right away. I want to focus on my studies first. I want to wait, Luca.
CHAPTER 22
Luca
I sit on the balcony in my penthouse, letting the cool night air wash over me. Something like panic is pumping through me as I read her message. Before I met her, I didn’t let myself think about a family or kids. I’ve always wanted them instinctually, but since I was sure I’d never find the right woman, I let those wants fade.
But now, with my Ruby…
Luca? she texts when I don’t respond. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I have to be honest.
How long do you want to wait? I ask.
I don’t know. A few years, maybe until I’m twenty-five or thirty-something.
I bite down, my head throbbing. Images of a happy family home—the sort of life Scarlet and Elio have—pulse and taunt in my mind. You want to wait possibly ten years until we even start trying for kids?
I’ve wanted to be a historian my whole life. That means getting my PhD. That means making a name for myself with research and papers. That means a lot of work.
You can be a mom and do all of that, Ruby.
I stare at the message before I send it. There’s a bitter taste in my mouth, a pessimistic twist to my soul. For some reason, deep down, I just assumed she’d feel the same, just like Scarlet did with Elio. Maybe that’s the problem. I keep looking at Elio and Scarlet as the blueprint, but every relationship is unique. Even ones where the feelings come rushing in like an unstoppable hail of bullets, there are nuances.
Deleting the message, I type instead, I understand, but I’ll always be there, and you’ll have all the help you need. I’ll hire you an army of nannies if that’s what it takes. You’ll be a perfect mother no matter what. I just know it.
