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My chest constricts as his words weave a spider’s web of heartbreak around me.
Every breath I attempt to suck in becomes a battle.
I glance towards the hallway, half-expecting Jake to emerge, oblivious to the precarious ledge upon which our world now rests.
The thought of his trust along with his love disappearing because of my foolishness sends a wave of icy dread cascading down my spine.
Tara hums an upbeat tune while bouncing a heeled foot in time with the rhythm.
As if she doesn’t have a care in the world as mine comes crumbling down.
“Why did you bring my father here?” I demand.
“So you know that I’m not playing around. His disapproval is nothing compared to what everyone else will think when they learn the truth.”
“What is she talking about, Koda?”
“For the last time—my name is Wyn!”
Something inside of me snaps, and all the rage and hurt bursts free.
Jake comes rushing out of his room, unused to me ever raising my voice.
“Mom, what’s—who’s he?”
Até stares at the little boy, a replica of me as a child, except for the curl in his hair—that’s all my ex.
“Is this… mithákoža?”
“Baby, I’m sorry I yelled. Please go back to your room. This is grown-up talk.”
His lip puckers. “Will Bash be here soon?”
It occurs to me that he sees Bash as our protector.
“I’m not sure. Go on, then.” Once he’s gone, I answer my father. “Yes, Jake’s nithákoža—your grandson.”
“You never told me—”
“Why would I? You all but disowned me, and now you can barely look me in the eye all because I’ve been true to myself. You speak of legacies, but what about the present—what about right now? I’m not saying we forget our past, but it shouldn’t be more important than what’s happening now. Why can’t the two live in harmony, where both are celebrated? Why…can’t you celebrate me for being me?”
Até looks away, and Tara snickers at my heartfelt speech.
“Because you’re a freak, sweet Koda, and nobody celebrates that.”
My chest constricts painfully, and I rub at the tender spot.
“I am not a freak—I’m a person, just like you. I have feelings, just like you. And I deserve respect.”
To my shame, I don’t add ‘just like you’ because I’m not sure my ex truly deserves any.
“You are an abomination!”
The roar that comes out of até’s mouth ricochets like gunfire, piercing into my soul.
For so long, I’ve fought to find my self-worth, and in moments, these two people have torn it down.
Insidious whispers fill my head, concurring with what my father said, and try as I might, I can’t drown them out.
