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“I don’t think so,” he said. “I really don’t. You’ve been different lately.”
“So have you,” she said, because he had. He was less confident and less attractive because of it. She could tell he wanted her to soothe him, and she was not interested in being that sort of person with him. She didn’t want the responsibility of being his girlfriend. She couldn’t take it. She knew she’d fuck it up. It was too much, really, the whole idea of it. If it was someone else, some other guy, maybe, because she wouldn’t have such a high bar. Decker deserved better than she could ever give him.
They started back to the table where they were sitting.
But then they had to stop and coordinate their movement because they were working against each other. Beer spilled. They sipped. They groaned and swore. Jeff laughed at them from the bar. Essence flipped him off.
Back at the table, she hunted for her phone. “Where the fuck is Hollis?” She scrolled through her contacts. “Well, doesn’t matter. I don’t even have his number to text him.”
“Guess that’s relieving,” Decker muttered. “Can I have my hand back, then?”
She put her phone away and returned her shackled hand to the center of the table.
“Okay, look, you don’t want to date me,” he said. “You don’t want to be in a relationship with me, and that’s super fucking clear.”
She blinked at him. “Um, I think you and me together is a bad call, yeah, but Decker, I like you.”
“No, sure, you like me, just not that way.”
“Decker, for fuck’s sake—”
“But you know how I am, right? I need to redeem myself, with the sex. I need the do-over.”
She scoffed. “It’s about sex, then. That’s just like a stereotypical male.”
“Hey, you know I’m not like that with sex, or that I try not to be, anyway.”
She rolled her eyes again. Yeah, Decker was a big stone effigy of repression in a lot of ways. She was remembering far too many conversations in that vein now.
“I can’t handle being a failure at this,” he said. “So? Let me try again? I want the chance to learn to touch you the way you like it. I want you, Essence.”
She felt a spill of warmth going down her spine. “Hollis is going to come back and undo the handcuffs. We can’t just go off and fuck right now.”
He considered. “You know Hollis better than me. If he says he’s coming back, is he definitely coming back?”
She thought about how Hollis seemed to have a lack of understanding of time, something that probably marked him as ancient and magical and disconnected. Did she think it was possible Hollis would get distracted and not come back tonight? Unfortunately, she did. “We’ll just go to his house if we have to,” she said. “But, um, but after, you might as well just stay in town. Because you’re going to be too drunk to drive.” The warmth traveled through her pelvis.
Decker smiled at her. “Am I?”
“Uh huh,” she said. “So, you might as well stay with me anyway. And if you’re staying, we might as well…” She shrugged. “As long as we agree we’re never going to be together like that.”
“Definitely,” he said. “We’re not going to be anything other than friends. I just want to make up for the shitty sex last night, as, like, an apology.”
“Well, it wasn’t that shitty.”
He gave her a look.
She giggled. “Okay, well, it was, um… yeah.” She cringed. “We just needed to communicate better. I’m sure we can do better at all of it.”
“Practice makes perfect,” he said.
She crossed her legs and gazed at him. Well, she’d agreed to that way too quickly, hadn’t she? But, um, best not to think too much about any of that. “Perfect, for sure,” she agreed.
DECKER HAD FELT it all collapsing inside him as they got their drinks. He felt like a jerk, actually. She was a strong woman who knew her own mind. She didn’t want to be with him. He needed to drop it.
Also, maybe she was right. Maybe them together was a terrible idea.
He hadn’t thought she’d agree when he said he wanted to have sex again.
