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“Don’t do that.” She sounded close to tears.
“It’s not even his fault,” he said.
“What? Of course it’s his—”
“He grew up in a time when it was all right to say things like that. He’s probably been very sheltered and lived in an insulated elfin community his entire life. There was a lot of segregation back in the day, and a good bit of it was self-imposed. So, he doesn’t really know better, and now he’s just entrenched in it.”
“Those are just excuses.”
“I have to believe everyone’s doing the best they can with the hand they’re dealt,” he said. “Otherwise, it’s just too depressing. You’d have to think that people were being cruel on purpose. And I’m not cruel on purpose, so… well, maybe no one is.”
She didn’t say anything.
“What?”
“You’re never cruel on purpose?”
He sighed. “Okay, point.”
She squeezed his hand tighter. “Sorry. You were being really beautiful and optimistic there, and I ruined it.”
“I’m very rarely cruel on purpose,” he said. “I need to be pushed pretty hard.”
“I know,” she said. “Me too.”
“So, see? Doing the best we can. Sometimes it just gets too much, that’s all. Life’s not for the faint of heart.”
She chuckled. “I like that.”
“Anyway, that’s not why,” he said. “I’m not angry at you for anything you said. I don’t know if I’ve ever really been angry at you, to be honest.”
“Well… what? Yes, you have. I can remember at least three fights we’ve had.”
“Annoyed, maybe, but that’s not the same thing.”
“When you get really angry, it’s scary.”
“Shit.” He pulled his hand out of hers.
“Oh, what’d I say?”
“I don’t want to be scary.” He pounded the steering wheel for emphasis, which only pulled her hand along with his hand. “Fuck.” He lay his hand down on the center console. “This is why we’re not fucking. Because I’m out of control.”
“Oh,” she said in a different voice.
“It’s not a good thing.”
“I want to try it,” she said, voice going throaty as she sat up straight and turned to him. She put a hand on his bicep. “Please?”
“No,” he said. “You said you wanted gentle—”
“I’ll take care of me,” she said. “Just, let’s go to your place and, you know, let out some tension.”
“I really don’t want—”
She put her hand on his groin.
He choked. “No fair,” he grunted.
