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“Ryan, I’m…”
“Don’t say it. I don’t want, nor do I need, your pity, Beau. Please, just go…” I tell him.
Instead of listening to me and doing as I ask for once, he slides down the door until he’s sitting beside me and takes my hand in his. “I don’t pity you, Ryan, but I am sorry.”
I told him not to say it. I told him to just go, and instead, he’s sitting beside me, holding my hand, as the floodgates open, and I let go. It’s not something I ever wanted to do in front of Beau Huntley, but since when does anything ever go my way?
Eight
"Why can't you just leave me alone, Beau? You've ruined my life enough…made it hell from day one..." I hide my face in my hands, not wanting him to see me ugly cry. It's bad enough I'm giving him more fuel to torment me with.
"I can't, Ryan. I've never had the willpower to leave you alone." His voice is low and raw. "I never knew about your father. Nobody ever told me, at least not then. I heard later that he had passed, but I didn't know when."
"Well, now you do. So go tell all your minions how much of a crybaby the drug addict is!" I stand to move away, but he's quick to stand, too.
"Will you just stop, Ryan? Listen to what I'm trying to say, for fuck's sake!" he snaps.
I yank my arm away when he grabs hold of it. "No! I'm so over this! I have been counting the days until you graduate just so I can have a little peace. Three fucking years, I have dealt with your shit! I don't have it in me to keep fighting anymore."
"What the fuck does that mean?" His face screws up.
"It means you fucking win! I get it…I'm a waste of space. If you will just fucking leave, I will rectify it immediately." I glare at him through my tears.
I mean every word. I can't handle this shit anymore. My father used to tell me that the Lord never gives you more than you can handle. I can only assume that the big guy upstairs has forgotten all about me, because all this weight is just too much for my small shoulders.
"You will not do anything so fucking stupid, Ryan! You can't mean that!" Beau scowls, as he shoves me against the wall.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Will me offing myself put a damper on all your fun? Too fucking bad…"
He pulls me towards him and shoves me against the wall again, trying to jar me back to my senses. "You can't off yourself, because I will miss you too fucking much! Have you ever once really stopped to consider why I'm there, around every corner? I've turned into a fucking stalker just so I could be in your life in some way!"
My forehead crinkles as I try to figure out what he's trying to say, "You're not making sense…"
"Yes, I am, but you're not listening, Ryan!" He moves his hands from my upper arms to my cheeks, looking into my eyes intently. "I have been crushing on you for three long years, and you're right about not being able to fight anymore. I can't either…"
Beau's mouth crashes against mine. Once again, he demands entrance, and I'm too stunned to deny him. He doesn't kiss me like he did the last few times; this one is different. Don't get me wrong, it's still brutal, but I can feel a different emotion behind it. It's urgent…needy, not tormenting. I decide to kiss him back, and when he groans at my actions, I allow myself to relax even more.
Just as I'm beginning to enjoy the kiss, Beau pulls away and presses his forehead to mine. "I've been waiting three years to do that."
"You've kissed me before," I whisper.
"Never like that, Ryan, and never with you returning it willingly." His green eyes meet my caramel ones, and I see the truth in them.
I don't see the bully anymore. I'm not sure who I'm looking at, but it's no longer the guy who took pleasure in tormenting me. I see a guy with want and need in the green depths, but I shake my head. It's all too much for me right now.
"Beau, I…"
"Don't think, Ryan. Just, please…don't think." He captures my lips again, and I get lost.
I never feel this way when kissing Brock. I mean, Brock is a good kisser, and I enjoy kissing him, but the feeling is different. I should be repulsed for allowing Beau to kiss me…to let him touch me in any kind of intimate way, but it's the exact opposite. I yearn for more of whatever this is that Beau is giving me, this fluttery feeling that I have in the pit of my stomach.
I whimper.
Beau's hand slides to the back of my head and grips my hair. Not roughly, but to keep me in place. The kiss is passionate and feels like it's stripping me from the inside out. Whatever animosity I've had towards this guy for the past three years seems non-existent.
"Ryan..." His voice is raspy as he pulls slightly away, kissing his way down my jaw.
Here I am, completely naked with the guy who has bullied me endlessly, letting him kiss me.What the fuck is wrong with me? I pull away, sliding to the side, and he immediately lets go of my hair.
