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“Oh, he’d never pressure me or anything,” she says quickly. “It’s just, you know, you can only expect a guy to wait so long. They have needs, and if you don’t fill them, eventually they’ll start looking for someone who will.”
“Totally,” I say, like I know fuck-all about guys.
“I mean, I’m sure Todd is different,” she rushes to add. “He’s so sweet.”
“Yeah,” I say faintly, but I’m already wondering if she’s right. Todd won’t wait forever.
We reach Lindsey’s locker, and she sighs, a dreamy expression on her face as she puts in the combination. “Todd is such a gentleman. I wish some of it would rub off on Chase. They spend so much time together, you’d think Chase would learn how to behave himself.”
I want to tell her that Chase only acts like that to annoy her, but I figure she already knows. I also want to tell her that if spending time together made friends more like each other then maybe Elaine wouldn’t be such a raging bitch, but I keep my mouth shut about that too.
Daria would just join in if I trashed Elaine, but I know Lindsey doesn’t talk about people behind their backs. She has too much class.
The next time I visit my locker, the necklace is hanging on the peg again. I sigh and put it in my pocket. I’m not sure I can win this one, especially since Chase’s locker is way down near the gym. I don’t know his locker combination anyway.
I also find a flyer for Fellowship of Christian Athletes, which isn’t unusual, except that handwritten across the top it says, “We could use more girls like you at Faulkner High. Thank you for setting an example.”
At lunch I notice an inordinate number of people looking at me as I make my way to the back tables. Hillary stands up from her table and walks with me for a minute. I say hello and ask her about English class, our only class together.
“I think it’s really great that you’re so open about being a virgin,” she says.
“Uh—thanks?” I feel my face burning and vow to never speak to Daria again. Apparently everyone in the entire school knows by now.
“Especially because of, you know, your friends. If more of the popular girls would admit to being virgins, people would realize it’s something to be proud of.”
“Okay then,” I say, managing to sound unruffled despite the flush in my cheeks. “Uh, thanks again, I guess?”
I reach my table after what feels like an eternity. I have never been so relieved to slide under Todd’s beefy, protective arm. He gives my shoulder a squeeze and kisses my hair through a mouthful of food. I sigh and relax against his shoulder. He keeps his arm around me, and I’m glad for it today, although it’s a bit difficult to eat with his heavy limb weighing me down.
“So, you’ve really never slept with anyone?” Ashley asks from my other side.
“I think it’s cool,” Tessa says, offering me a small smile. “I wish I’d waited.”
“Totally. Sex just complicates everything,” Ashley says, nodding like she’s just shared a great piece of wisdom.
“So true,” Daria agrees. “My first time was with, like, the biggest jerk ever. I totally should have waited until something better came along.”
“Maybe it’s not a choice,” Elaine says, looking at me like I’m a leper. “Maybe she just can’t find anyone that desperate.”
“I’m that desperate,” Chase says leaning in so he can see me around Todd, obviously enjoying my torture. “If it bothers you, baby, I’ll take care of it any time. You just let me know.” He gives me his famous wink, accompanied by the usual grin.
“Dude,” Todd says, his deep voice seeming to crush everyone else’s. “Leave her alone. It’s none of your business. It’s none of any of y’all’s business.” He frowns, looking around the table, his usually docile face turning stormy.
For a moment no one says anything, and then everyone starts talking about other things. I have never been so relieved in my entire life. I feel a surge of gratitude towards Todd.
“Sorry man,” Chase says to Todd, clapping him on the back. Todd grunts, engrossed in his lunch once more. I cautiously relax again, but my stomach feels a little queasy from all the tension of my embarrassment. I’ve never been so uncomfortable or humiliated.
Since when is the fact that I happen to still be cursed with inexperience everyone in the whole school’s business? What’s the big deal? I’m fifteen, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like I’m something rare, like a forty-year-old virgin. And even if I was, what’s so wrong with that? It’s my body, and I can do whatever I want with it. My hymen isn’t hurting anyone.
I never even said I was waiting for marriage. Everyone just assumed, because around here, apparently if you’re still a virgin past freshman year, you must have some moral objection to sex.
I wince realizing that Elaine’s explanation is closer to the truth. Everyone thinks it’s intentional, but it’s not that. I just haven’t had the opportunity.
Suddenly, it seems like a huge deal, and I feel like even more of a freak. I remember Meghan saying something about how in a small town, there’s not much else to do. She must be right, because from the way people act, I must be the only person in the whole school who hasn’t cashed in her V-card for some fun.
Except the people from FCA who think I’m some kind of example, and Hillary, who’s so very proud of her virginity. I’m not proud. It’s humiliating.
But as I replay the embarrassment in my head on repeat all though lunch because anxiety is awesome that way, my mind catches on something Hillary said. She called me popular.
