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“I’m sorry, Mare. I can’t sit here and watch you do this to yourself. If you come to your senses, give me a call. Until then…” She raised her hands and backed away toward the door.
“You’re not my friend anymore?” I gasped dubiously.
She paused and frowned. “Don’t be an ass. Of course I’m your friend. Which is why I’m doing this. You need some tough love, cookie. And I’m the only one who can give it to you.”
I shook my head miserably. “Don’t make me choose between you and the king, Tris. That’s not fair.”
“I’m not,” she replied shortly. “I’m making you choose betweenyouand the king. Don’t forget who you are for someone else.”
Impulsively, she jutted forward and gave me a quick hug before disappearing into the hall, leaving me alone to wallow in my opulent but cold surroundings, fighting back tears until Nyx came home.
I managedto pull myself together with a shower and dressed in a comfortable pair of jogging pants and a zip-up hoodie. I needed some good, calming herbs to wind me down, and nothing in my collection would do.
Breaking into a light jog, partially to clear my head and partially to put some distance between me and the guard following me, I headed north up the avenue, toward the farmers’ market. I hoped my favorite botanist was there that day, her herbs always the freshest. If the botanist wasn’t there, I would have to travel another eight blocks to the storefront, and a soft, misty rain was already making me miserable again, my lower back aching as I moved.
To my utter relief, something did go well for me that day, and the herbalist remained at one of the stalls in the open-air market.
“Maren!” she chirped when she saw me, her eyes brightening. “I haven’t seen you in weeks!”
“I know,” I replied, more guilt assaulting me. Was there ever a time when I wasn’t encompassed in shame? “I’ve been really busy.”
Her eyes darted behind me, and I ignored the guard, picking through the herbs and vials for my healing.
“You should never be too busy for…” She trailed off and leaned forward, peering at my face intently. “Oh! Oh, I see!” she chuckled, excitement coloring her pixie-like features. “Congratulations!”
Baffled, I stared at her. “On what?”
The botanist’s eyes twinkled. “You don’t have to play coy. I can smell the new life inside you, and your face is glowing.”
I withdrew from the table of dried plants and premixed potions, causing it to tremble as my hand fell to my chest. “What?” I gasped. “I’m not pregnant!”
My head whipped back toward my guard, Drakias, but he wasn’t listening. Thankfully, his head scanning the area as I whirled back toward her.
Her face went white, and she also stepped back, reevaluating me as she shook her head, lowering her gaze in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. My mistake. Forgive me for overstepping.”
I backed away from the table more, still shaking my head.
I need to find a new botanist. This one is crazy!
Spinning around, I looked toward the guard, who stood off to the side. I wondered if he had heard the interaction, but I hoped he hadn’t. The last thing I needed was more gossip flying around about me.
Again, I broke into a jog, forsaking my plan to get herbs at all. My nerves were far too frayed for any more social interaction that day. I just wanted to hole myself up and numb my mind with television or a good book. Anything to forget the world around me.
Panting, I burst through the front doors of the castle, catching more whispers about me as I did.
“…must be amazing in bed. I don’t know what else he sees in her,” one of the butlers laughed. I didn’t bother to note if he was embarrassed to be caught talking about me, my mind strictly on the baby growing in my womb.
I’d barely made it into the suite when Drakias knocked at the door.
“Miss Maren? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, Drakias,” I answered shortly, shrugging out of my jacket.
“Are you sure? You looked a little pale.”
“I’m fine!”
“All right.”
