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“Is that…?”
Seeing where I’m pointing, Oliver smiles, “Come on.” He takes my hand in his again and in no time we’re moving out of the hotel toward a large swimming pool. Beyond it, as far as the eye can see is my first look at the ocean.
I stop, “I just need a moment to take it in.”
Oliver stands at my side quietly while I do so. When his vast patience is finally exhausted, he whispers directly into my ear, “How about we get a closer look?”
Nodding, he smiles and we begin to walk again as he provides his personal tour. “There are three swimming pools on the property. This beachfront one, which is the main one, an adult only one and then another one positioned so guests can see over the resort.”
“Three?”
“Yep, and they have several restaurants, each with different cuisine. But most importantly, they have poolside service, as you can see, with wait staff anxious to take your food and drink orders.”
Looking around the pool I can see exactly that – waitresses and waiters dressed in white shirts and khaki colored shorts, weaving in and out of lounge chairs, some carrying menus and others, trays full of food and drink. Only then do I notice the loud upbeat music playing and see the vacationers enjoying swimming, chatting and sunbathing. Bright cobalt blue chaises and umbrellas are set up all around the pool, as are various huts containing available drinks and food. “Wow.” Realizing my response is inadequate it’s still all I can muster in my current overwhelmed state.
Once we’re at the end of the oval shaped pool, we follow a short path and then go down a half dozen stairs and find ourselves right on the freaking sand. Laughing in delight, I immediately kick off my flip-flops and sigh in pleasure as warm sand surrounds my feet for the first time in my life. In addition to its notable heat, it’s soft and grainy. It feels glorious and I delight in its sensations, but a moment is all I can stand because before me is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen and I only have eyes for it. Bending over, I quickly roll my jeans up as high as I can, unconcerned with how unfashionable it may appear and make my way to the expanse of water that seems to be calling out to me.
Looking back at the ocean, I realize that all the pictures, videos, paintings, travel brochures and other attempts to capture this reality have failed miserably; none do justice to the real thing. I’ve never seen anything more astoundingly jaw-dropping in my life. The water is literally a teal color, but there’s also a royal blue, a deep navy blue further out, but it gets lighter the closer it gets to shore. The never-ending waves are white-capped yet continue to manifest whiteness all the way to the sandy shore where they morph into foam that disappears into the sand. I’m not a painter, but even my fingers itch wanting to try to replicate the beauty.
I can’t walk fast enough, stopping only when my toes meet the water. With my hair flying around me in the breeze, the smell of salt and sea heavy in the air and the sun warm on my skin I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more… at home.
It goes on for miles; I can’t tell where the ocean ends and the sky begins. The contrast of blue between sea and sky is so subtle it makes it difficult to tell. I watch as little bubbles form in the sand when the water touches it tickling the bottoms of my feet. As the water gets pulled back by the tide, my feet become buried in the sand and I laugh in delight as I pull them out with a big loud wet sucking sound and place them back on top of the sand once more.
Looking to Oliver I find that his eyes are already on me and for a moment all I can do is smile. There are so many things I want to say but I find that they’re all trapped in my throat. Suddenly I feel small and insignificant in the presence of something so vast, so powerful and mighty. The things in my life, my troubles, my fears seem to float away on the breeze. Part of me feels like I should snatch them up and put them back where they belong but another part wants to watch them disappear with the wind.
“Oh, Oliver,” I say but doubt he hears me as my words are likely lost to the breeze. But I’m wrong. His hand finds mine once more.
“I know.”
Tears fill my eyes because I know he truly does.
“Can you try? Can you tell me?”
I know immediately what he’s asking. He wants me to share with him what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. “I feel…” my voice breaks and I clear my throat hoping to push some emotions aside but the effort is fruitless. “I feel so many things. Some conflicted – I’ve never felt more whole. Like a piece of me was always missing and I was meant to find it here and now. Like, I’m complete now. It’s like a voice whispering in my heart, in my soul, ‘you’re here, finally.’ But another part of me aches. I feel like I need to hold a hand to my chest to support my heart – to keep it from crumbling.” I pause. Needing a moment. He squeezes my hand in support. “She would have loved this. One of my biggest regrets, especially now that I’ve seen its beauty is that she never got to see this…to experience it before she passed away. It was one of her reasons. Something she always wanted.”
“I remember. And, I think – no I know - she would be very happy that you made it here.”
“I think so too. Thank you for saying that. Thank you for this. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for this.”
“You already have.”
We continue to stand there for what simultaneously seems like a long time and a mere moment. Oliver never says a word, never moves. He stands by my side, my hand in his and we simply…be.
After, I turn to him, “Can we go sit, but I’d like to stay on the beach if that’s okay with you.”
“Yes, of course. It will be sunset soon.” He turns and scans the area. Many people have started to leave, likely heading in for dinner plans. “Let’s go there.” I look to where Oliver’s pointing and see he’s spotted an empty cabana. We walk over to it and settle on the plush, oversized nearly connected lounge chairs.
“I could get used to this,” I smile feeling happy and at peace.
“Me too,” he says looking at me with a smile on his lips and in his eyes.
“I wish I could describe in a better way how I feel right now. I want to nail it down and trap it in my brain so I can refer back to it later.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to eventually.”
“I hope so.”
We remain silent as we watch the sun move closer to the sea. As it descends, the ocean looks like it’s on fire. Blues, oranges and yellows combine to make a show unlike any I’ve ever seen. It takes a moment to realize that tears are falling down my face – the sight before me irrevocably moves me. The ocean is everything I want to be – colorful, deep, constant and full of life.
