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I chuckled at what just happened then sat down and admired the room again. A movement caught my eye, and my door slowly opened. A moment later, a white ball of fur hopped up on my couch and a pair of round eyes stared at me.
“Well, hello there.” I grinned at his scowl and was pleased to see someone here owned a cat. “What’s your name?” He blinked then flopped on his back, spread his legs open, and looked at me. “No shame, hey? I dig that.”
“Hey,” Savannah popped her head inside, “I checked, and since you aren’t seeing anyone for another hour, I hoped maybe you had some time for me. I cleared it with Doc Roberts too.”
“Always.” I felt flattered and waved her inside. “Please take a seat.”
“Wow, you really transformed this room, Ivy. It’s lovely.”
“Thanks, but to be fair, I had a lot to work with when I arrived. So, really, I should be thanking you.” She seemed to enjoy that compliment as she settled into her seat.
“I see you’ve met Scoot.” She pointed to the shameless cat. “He thinks this is his room, so yeah,” she rolled her eyes, “you need to share.”
“I’m fine with that.” I laughed and watched her play with her fingers, uneasy.
“Do you mind if I just jump in?”
“Not in the least. Please do.” I pulled my iPad on my lap and waited for her to start. Scoot jumped off the couch while she got settled, and he strode over to sit on the armrest of my chair. I guessed we were holding this session together.
“Well, the wives and I had a chat, and we thought you should get a little background on Lexi from our point of view. It’s also important to know that I’ve always been very close to Keith, and I was a little nervous when she first arrived here.”
“How so?”
“I’m not sure how much Keith has told you, but Lexi beats to her own drum.” She raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips tight. “She’s a bit of a gypsy and has never really fit the Blackstone wife mold, if you get my drift. Not like us other girls do, anyway.”
“How do you see the Blackstone mold?”
“It’s maybe not just a Blackstone mold but more of a Shadows mold.” She squinted as she tried to explain. “We’re targets because of who we’re married to, just like our children are, and well, just like everyone else who lives here. But then there’s Abby and June. They have escorts whenever they leave the grounds and go into the town. They’re not married to anyone here, but they have inside knowledge of what happens here. Therefore, they’re a target too.”
“I understand that.” I nodded because I totally got it. I indicated she should go on.
“We’re all warned from the very start what life will be like here.” She shrugged. “Cole, Daniel, Frank, they gave it to us straight. So, you had to weigh the pros and cons to living this life. You had to change your mindset if you wanted to make it work for you. Every one of us has done that. Each of us has found our place within this world. For the most part, we’re happy and enjoy life here and all the perks that come with it. Everyone but Lexi.”
“That’s what I’ve been hearing.” I wanted her to know I understood and had heard the same things. “Why do you think that is?”
“I have my theories.” She struggled. “It’s not like we didn’t welcome her in, show her the ropes, made her feel like family, but there’s that old saying you can’t make someone like you if they don’t like themselves.”
“You think she might be unhappy with herself?”
“Look, Lexi has always been looking for more. Even after she got Keith back, had adorable babies, a safe place to live, she never really seemed to settle. I mean, she even had us, her sisters. I know it can be overwhelming at times, but we’ve all been there and were victims from something. We know she really missed her brother.” She paused. “He committed suicide.” She looked uneasy while I digested that. “We would never try to replace him, but we all feel connected almost like siblings. With Lexi, it just never seemed to be enough.”
“I thought for a while she was good.” She lifted her hands and shrugged. “But now,” she stopped herself and caught her lip between her teeth to stop her emotions, “now she’s hurting Keith, my best friend, and their kids. Not to mention putting everything the Logans have worked to create at risk. Like when she decides to change her trip plans and goes partying in Vegas last minute. Davie,” she paused to explain, “one of the Dusk teammates in North Carolina, is the one who watches over her when she travels and has to run all over the place because she just ‘needs a break from it all.’” She did air quotes. “I’m sorry. That was rude, but she has no idea what that means for Davie and the rest of the team trying to train.” She rubbed her chest for a moment in thought.
“We’re free to come and go as long as we have someone with us, but all of us wives are very aware of what it means to pull one of the soldiers away. It leaves a hole the other guys have to fill. I hate to judge, but she’s being selfish to everyone, not to mention her family.” I handed her a tissue and gave her a moment to gather herself.
“Sometimes having it all is the problem.” I spoke carefully, not wanting her to think I agreed with Lexi’s behavior, because I didn’t. “Sounds like Lexi really went through a rough time, the loss of her parents, joining the gang life. Keith did tell me that it was to discover who killed her parents, but then her brother commits suicide. Sometimes when you fight through enough of the rough times that life throws at you, you almost need it to feel alive. The fight brings more of a comfort than a happy, stable life does. Grit versus frills.”
“As in it feels better to hurt than to feel good?”
“Exactly.”
“Do you think she feels guilty for feeling good when her family isn’t alive?” I could see Savannah try to piece her thoughts together as we talked. That was good. People needed to make sense of things before they could see a situation clearly.
“Perhaps, but she also could just be someone who likes to be or needs to be on the darker side of life to really feel alive.”
“I’ve been there, but only because I was so scared,” she confessed. “I’m not sure what to do. None of us does.”
“Well,” I removed my glasses and took a second to think, “I would just keep being there for Keith and his kids. They need a lot of help right now. And when Lexi tries to include herself in your daily life again, let her, but give her some space. She’ll most likely be prepared for you to come at her. She’ll be defensive about her behavior, so deflate it by backing off.”
