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“Yeah,” I laughed lightly, “that’s a good idea.” I’d ask one of the others to take me instead. I knew his friend Dell or Davie were supposed to arrive soon.
“It’s a date.” We spent some more time chatting about nothing, and I relaxed a bit. Thankfully, he said he had a meeting in the morning, so we weren’t out long. I was very thankful that he kissed my cheek and not my lips when we parted.
How could I know that the very next day I would be in my office with a very upset Lexi and a very pissed off Keith? Keith, who had nearly had his shoulder ripped off by a Cartel member, was in considerable pain. I certainly hadn’t prepared myself for such an unexpected meeting with the two of them. And Scoot, who I was sure now thought he was a professional, had draped himself on the armrest of my chair and stared at them with the same intensity as he would a pair of mice.
“Well, this is unexpected,” I began. “I’m sorry your mission was cut short, Keith. I heard about your injury.”
“It happens.” He shrugged, but I’d heard him speaking to Daniel earlier about how bad it was over there and how he wanted to be sent back.
“All right, well, one of us has to start,” I quit the pleasantries, “so it’ll be me. You two have a problem within your marriage. The only way to fix the problem is to know what that problem is. Lexi, why don’t you start? What’s bothers you most about your marriage with Keith?”
“Pass.” She shook her head.
“That’s not how I work,” I shot that shit down immediately, “because what that tells me is that you’re finished with your marriage. Are you done with Keith?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, and Keith looked away from me. I figured I’d give Keith an opening to air his feelings now in case she walked out on us.
“Okay, Keith, your turn.” He rubbed the side of his neck, obviously uneasy. I nodded at Lexi because now was his time for him to speak his truth. His lips pressed in a hard line, and his hands moved to his lap. I could see his knuckles were white as he clenched his hands together.
“I feel she blames me for all the bad things in her life.” He cleared his throat, and she shook her head. “Blames me for all that she’s lost. I never meant to hurt you, Lexi, leaving years ago, but I needed to do that for me.”
“And I need to do this for me!” she shot back.
Okay, progress.
“You need to leave me, us? Every chance you get?” He used her same tone.
“It’s smothering here. I’m not like rest of the Blackstone ladies.” She made a distasteful face. “I don’t fit in this world, stuck here on a mountain, with sister wives, and an escort every time I want to go have fun. I’m a free spirt. I crave a life of independence. I don’t want to be here like them just waiting for my man to come home after every mission. You’re out there living life, experiencing the excitement, the challenges. I want that for me. I want some fun, too.”
“Wow,” he turned with a wince to look at her, “I never knew you felt like that. I guess I never thought of what I did as fun.” He looked down at his sling. “I sure never meant to smother you. I guess I thought you knew how important what we did was and why we did it.”
“That’s just it. It’s all about you,” Lexi shot back.
“Okay, I guess I get that.” He licked his lips, and his voice went soft. “But tell me this, Lexi. In your visions of living a life like a twenty-year-old looking for fun, just where do our children fit into all that?”
“I don’t know.” She whispered the last word. “I’m detached from them.” She looked at me. “I think I’ve always been.”
“How so?” I tried to help her along when I noticed Keith’s face had gone pale.
“When I look at them, I don’t feel like they’re my kids.” She pulled a tissue from the box as she started to cry. “The rest of the women love their kids. I can see it, but when I look at mine, it’s like looking at one of theirs.” She looked at me as if to make me understand. “I think I was born without a maternal gene.” She trailed off and looked at the floor. Silence filled the room while her words sank in and did their damage to him. I couldn’t even imagine how much this was going to affect their children.
“And me?” Keith’s voice cracked as his world shattered around him. “Is there anything left for me?”
She put a hand to her chest as tears rolled down her face. “I don’t blame you, Keith, for how my life turned out. But I’ve never really forgiven you for leaving me all those years ago. I’ve tried everything to get past it, but I just can’t.”
“Lexi!” he shouted, and even made me jump. “Push aside everything else, right here, right now. I need to know. Do you still love me?”
“I,” she cried harder, “I don’t think I do.” Keith went very still then nodded and slowly looked toward the wall. “I think too much damage was done, and the more I’m here, the more I’m drowning.”
“Maybe we could try some daily sessions, Lexi. I could help you—”
“I don’t want help, Dr. Knight.” I knew that, but I felt like I needed to try if I could. Truth be told, Lexi was finished with it all, and we all could see it. “I want out. I can’t live this life anymore.”
Ouch. Even though I saw it coming, I felt the sting of her comment hit home with Keith. He pushed to his feet and rubbed his cheeks dry. Heartbreak. I knew it could tear a person in half and leave them to drain out on the floor. It was heartless and irreparable.
“If you leave, Lexi,” his tone was eerie but justified, “say goodbye to our kids, because you will not walk in and out of their lives ever again.” He pulled off his ring and placed it on the table. “Thanks, Dr. Knight, but I think I’ll cut this session short.”
Ty
