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I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this.
“Hey.” Rachel grabs my hand, pulling me to a stop just before we reach the sliding doors.
I can’t look at her, so I keep my eyes on the ground as she steps into my space and softly says, “I know you don’t want to be here, and I understand why. But if your dad really is dying, you’ll regret it forever if you don’t say goodbye. Trust me on this…” Her voice starts to quiver. “Not saying goodbye is the worst.”
Her eyes are glassy, and I lightly brush my fingers down her cheek, feeling her pain as if it’s my own. She never got to say goodbye to her dad. By the sounds of it, he was a good, kind man, not a drunken asshole like mine, and I’m sure she still misses him. When my dad goes, I won’t miss him at all. It’ll be a relief.
But is she right?
Will I regret it if I don’t at least say goodbye?
My insides clench, rebelling against the thought, but I nod tightly. I force my feet to walk through that hospital door and take the elevator to the fourth floor.
“She’s probably overexaggerating.” I’m playing this down for reasons I don’t even understand.
Rachel threads her fingers through mine, her smile patient as we walk down the corridor and find Dad’s room.
Sofia is hovering in the doorway, keeping an eye out for me. When she sees me coming, she rushes forward, burying her face in my chest as she holds me tight. I rub her back, resting my chin on the top of her head.
“It’s horrible,” she mumbles. “Mama’s a wreck.”
“Yeah, she sounded pretty bad on the phone.” I’m still frustrated at her, hating how much love she has for a man who used to beat her black and blue. I don’t get it. I never will.
“We’d better go in, I guess.” Get this over with.
Sofia pulls out of my arms and blinks. Then a sweet smile tugs at her lips. “Are you Rachel?”
“Yeah, hi.” Rachel extends her hand and Sofia takes it, her eyes sparkling.
“Wow. You really are pretty.”
“Oh.” Rachel starts to blush. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” Sofia looks between me and Ray while my girlfriend gives her a meaningful smile.
“Me too.”
It still sits ugly in my gut that she’s gonna be seeing my dad again. I've never really wanted to let anyone into that part of my life. Ethan’s always known, but that’s different. We grew up together. I wanted Nolan U to be untouched by my father’s bullshit. But he’s been to Hockey House now. He’s tainted the doorway. He had a conversation with my girlfriend. The woman I’m falling in love with. He could have hurt her. He could have?—
The curtain swishes aside, and I spot Dad in the bed.
He looks half his normal size, his cheeks sunken in, his skin tinged yellow. My lips part in horror before I blink and pull myself together with a thick swallow. He’s declined so much since that night I took his drunk ass home. That was only a month or so ago.
“Mijo.” Mama gives me a teary smile, letting go of Dad’s hand and moving around the bed. “You came.” She pulls me down into a hug, and I pat her back, murmuring gentle words in Spanish.
She nods and sniffs against my shoulder, then steps away, wiping her face with a balled-up tissue before putting on a polite smile. “And who is this?”
“Oh, this is Rachel.” I rest my hand on Rachel’s lower back as she smiles at my mother.
“Hola, Mrs. Carlisle.”
“Hola.” Mama looks between us, her lips quirking into a soft grin of approval. At least I think that’s what that is.
But then Dad groans from the bed and her attention is diverted back to him. She rushes around to his side, taking his hand and asking what he needs.
“A new body,” he grumbles.
I stand at the end of the bed, staring down at him. “What’s wrong with your body?”
