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“I did, but you ignored me.”
I wince. “Mama.”
“He’s gone now, and you lost your chance.” Her voice starts to wobble. “I’m so sad for you, mijo.”
My eyes start to burn.
“But I’ll let you know when the funeral is going to be. And Maria will call if she needs anything. Okay?”
“Okay,” I croak.
“Okay. Te amo.” She murmurs the last two words before hanging up. They’re fast, and I’m not sure how much she’s feeling them.
Of course she loves me, but… fuck.
My arm flops to my side, the phone slipping out of my hands and clattering onto the floor.
I don’t move to check if it’s cracked or broken.
I just sit there.
Staring at the locker room wall.
I can’t move.
I can’t lace my skates. I can’t?—
A dry sob punches out of me, my chest heaving.
I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now, but suddenly my burning eyes start to overflow.
My stomach jerks and I hunch over, resting my elbows on my knees and whimpering.
For what feels like an eternity, the only sounds in that lonely locker room are my childlike sobs as I cry for a man who I didn’t even think I loved anymore.
But I weep.
I sit there all alone and fucking weep like a part of my heart has just been broken all over again.
CHAPTER 39
RACHEL
Mikayla and I arrive at the funeral, two girls dressed in black with a horde of hockey players in their wake. I’m glad Liam has so much support, but we draw a lot of attention as we slip into the small chapel where the service is being held. It’s connected to the funeral home, and only a smattering of people are in attendance.
Mr. Carlisle’s boss is here, although he looks as though he doesn’t want to be. And there are two men dressed in military uniforms. Then it’s Liam’s family and… us. That’s it. My heart weeps for how sad and lonely Liam’s dad must have been. I know he brought a lot of it on himself, but that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking.
I eye up the soldiers, looking unemotional and almost regal in their dress blues. I wonder what their connection is to Bobby Carlisle. Were they friends? Did they keep in touch over the years? Try to help him?
Should the man in the coffin be having a military funeral? Why isn’t he?
“Mrs. Carlisle. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Mikayla gives the woman a sad smile, and I follow suit, lightly kissing her cheek before taking a seat beside Liam.
His mother is trying to remain stoic, but her chin is bunching and trembling. I can’t even imagine what she must be going through. She obviously loved this man with all her heart, but I’m sure there were moments when she hated him. Moments when he was hurting her and she didn’t even recognize the man she married.
Liam swallows, the muscles in his jaw ticking as he stares at the coffin ladened with flowers and a handsome photo of his father. He looks nothing like the man who visited Hockey House just a short time ago. He has a vibrant smile on his face. He looks happy and confident. That must have been taken before he enlisted. Before his life was destroyed by an IED that took out his entire unit. How do you reconcile with something that horrific?
I guess you don’t… especially if you try to find solace in a bottle of Jack.
