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Rebecca was unable to breathe. Beside her, Bethany had both hands over her mouth as though she was afraid she would cry out.
Valerie stood in the center of that room and turned back to face them. Her chin wiggled with sorrow, and her eyes filled with tears. When she fell back onto the bed, Bethany and Rebecca did the impossible, too. They crossed the doorway's threshold, sat on either side of Valerie, and wrapped their arms around her. They joined her in crying for the brother they’d lost so many years ago.
Losing Joel still felt like yesterday. And none of them had ever really gotten over it.
Chapter Seventeen
1992
Joel Sutton loved baseball. At nine years old, he was the fastest in his baseball league, whipping around the bases at lightning speed as the white ball soared through a blue June sky. His family cheered for him in the stands and yelled out his name. “You can make it, Joel! Come on!” They were the Sutton family, one of the kindest and openhearted families on the island of Nantucket. Wherever they went and whatever they did, they were together.
Rebecca was the eldest of the Sutton children. At fourteen, she was five years older than Joel and not always so keen on sitting around a baseball game on a Saturday when she could have been with her friends at the beach. Then again, she was one of the loudest in the stands, jumping up and down with her sisters, Bethany and Valerie, as Joel stampeded to home base. This home run meant his team won. It meant they could all finally leave the baseball fields and take their father’s new sailboat for a spin.
Rebecca and Bethany hustled down the stands to grab the fence that wrapped around the baseball field. “Joel! You did it!” Rebecca cried, and Bethany echoed it. At twelve, Bethany was eager to be everything Rebecca was, so much so that she copied almost everything Rebecca did. This annoyed Rebecca to no end. In fact, it was one of the main reasons for any yelling in the Sutton home.
Valerie, their ten-year-old sister, rushed up behind them. To Bethany and Rebecca, Valerie seemed like just a little kid. Her legs were a little too long for her body, and her hair was wild and unbrushed. To them, she would never keep up with her older sisters.
Joel jogged around the baseball fence and high-fived Bethany and Rebecca, clearly pleased with himself. He only hugged Valerie. The two of them jumped up and down joyously as Valerie’s chaotic hair glistened in the sunlight.
“There they are. The Sutton twins.” Mrs. Walton, their next-door neighbor, stepped up to say hello.
Valerie and Joel laughed. Valerie had on Joel’s baseball hat, and her freckles stood out across her nose and cheeks. It was true what Mrs. Walton said. Since forever, Valerie and Joel had been inseparable. They were just one year apart and fascinated with most of the same stuff—bugs, sports, being outside, reading, and playing pranks on their older sisters. They even seemed to have a secret language all their own. Rebecca had noticed—it was as though they could read one another’s minds.
Their mother, Esme Sutton, made her way down the stands, adjusting her baseball hat before she dropped down to wrap her arms around Joel. She was unafraid of dirt and sweat and preferred to be the mother who liked messes. “Messes aren’t permanent,” she always used to say.
“You were great, Joel!” Esme cried.
Their father, the tall and powerful Victor Sutton, appeared beside Esme and put his arm around her. Together, the parents beamed down at their children, so sure of their love. Rebecca had never gone a day without feeling protected and at peace.
“Are you kids ready for the sailing adventure of your lives?” Victor asked.
“Yeah!” the four of them cried, pumping their fists in the air.
“Joel! You’re bleeding again.” Valerie pointed at Joel’s face, where a line of red hung from his nostrils. Suddenly, the line became a river, coating his lips and chin.
“Oh dear.” Esme rifled through her purse for a package of tissues, which she always had on her for these occasions. Joel’s nosebleeds had become as commonplace as rainstorms and tourist traffic. “Lift your chin and press your nostrils together, buddy. Just like always.”
Joel did as he was told but still chatted excitedly with Valerie, who’d just read a story about a newly discovered bug. Victor spoke gently to Esme, whispering in her ear lovingly. Together, Bethany and Rebecca leaned against the fence, pretending to be too cool for school. Up at the top of the stands sat Tommy Tucker, the biggest crush of Rebecca’s life. Bethany dug her elbow into Rebecca’s upper arm.
“Ow!” Rebecca cried.
“Don’t you see who’s at the top of the bleachers?” Bethany asked.
“Of course, I do! But you can’t just point at people,” Rebecca muttered. In a whisper, she added, “You have to be cool, Bethany.”
Bethany took the information and nodded. Of all the Sutton children, she was the most hyper-intelligent, which pleased Victor. Although Rebecca was two years older than Bethany, Bethany could already do complicated mathematics equations. She talked about becoming a doctor or a scientist someday.
“I think it’s clearing up,” Joel announced as he removed the tissue from his nose and inspected it.
“Oh, good. You must be dehydrated.” Esme pressed a bottle of water into his hands and smiled at him. “Drink all of this, okay?”
Joel told her he would.
The four kids and two adults set out for the harbor, where Victor had tied up his new sailboat. Joel swung his baseball mitt at his side as he sang a song with Valerie. Rebecca walked slightly behind Esme and Victor, who spoke in the low tones of adults who didn’t want to be overheard.
“Did the doctor call back yet?” Victor asked Esme.
“He said we need to go to a specialist,” Esme returned. “But it doesn’t make sense. I mean, he’s a healthy kid. Didn’t you just see him make that home run?”
