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“Mr. Davis, I am sorry.” Shane apologized in the most quiet voice I’d ever heard from him.
Dad sighed as if he was carrying the world on his shoulders. “I won’t say it’s ok. You screwed up, son, and I am seriously disappointed in you.”
“I know I fucked up bad,” Shane responded.
“Watch your language. Little ears.” Dad says as he tilts his head toward where I’m standing.
I’ve heard the word before when a few steers got loose and Manuel had to chase them down. I’ve never said it, though. Mama always said young ladies didn’t let those types of words pass their lips.
Thinking about my mom makes me angry. Shane burnt down the barn that Mama loved so much. It’s where the horses live. Mama loved to ride, and she started teaching me a couple of years ago. Tears form in my eyes.
“How could you, Shane Walker? You’re a meanie and I hate you!” I screamed at him. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed at anyone before, but I’m so mad. Where will Mama’s horses live now?
“That’s enough, young lady. Get back to bed,” Dad orders.
I huff in frustration but do as I’m told. Not really, though. I just go around the corner where I know they won’t see me, so I sit against the wall. I want to hear what Dad says. Will he make Shane leave?
“I got you out of that home where you were being mistreated and I’ve tried to give you and the other two boys a home, a family. I don’t know why you keep fighting against me,” Dad says quietly.
“Please don’t send us back. I’d rather die than go back to that place.” Shane pleads.
Dad never told me about where the boys came from. I remember seeing bruises on them all when they came here, but I just thought they played too rough like I’ve seen boys do.
Dad continues speaking, but I tune out. That is until I hear him say, “You’re going to work to rebuild the barn. The others can help you, but this is on you. You will not get paid while you’re working on it. Manuel will come up with the plans for the build. You will follow his direction without an attitude. If you don’t, I’ll have no choice but to send you packing back to the group home. Do we have an understanding?”
“Yes sir. I promise I won’t give Manuel a hard time. I’ll do better.” Shane promised.
I didn’t realize their conversation was over until Shane walked around the same corner where I was sitting. He looks down at me. He seems sad. I probably shouldn’t have told him I hate him.
I don’t hate him. Not really. I just don’t know what to think about him and the way he acts, and I’ve never met anyone like him before.
“I’m sorry Sammy. I truly am,” He apologizes.
He holds out his hand to help me off the floor. I stare at it for a minute before I finally put my hand in his. He lifts me off the floor and leads me to my room, leaving me at my door as he goes further down the hall to his own.
Chapter Two
Shane
She’s home. The thought of seeing her sends lava burning through my veins. Six years and not a phone call, a letter, or even a go to Hell, but now that the old man is gone, she comes crawling back.
What’s her motive? She didn’t give a fuck that her daddy was sick. She didn’t care when he begged her to come home.
I overheard him begging her one time. She kept declining, even when he told her to bring someone named Dakota with her. I figured she moved on, but hearing it as Wayne talked to her sent me spiraling.
So bad that I was drunk for three days straight and missed a sale and vaccination event for the herd. When I finally got my hungover ass up, it was too late to help with anything.
Wayne was livid, and he wasn’t afraid to let me know. He told me if it happened again, my position within the ranks would disappear. I have worked my ass off for the past six years to become the ranch foreman. I decided right then that it was time to let Samantha go, and make her nothing more than a terrible memory.
She isn’t worth me losing everything I worked for. So, I vowed to keep my distance from anything Samantha. I’ve done well, I think.
When something reminds me of her, I let the anger and resentment swallow the thoughts and center me. Instead of losing myself in alcohol, I lose myself in women, never the same one more than once. Other than Autumn, however, she knows the score.
I don’t have any expectations and neither does she. We both do our own thing and when the loneliness gets to be too much, we share a few hours between the sheets and go on with our lives. Six years we’ve been using each other to fill the holes in our souls.
She’s never pushed for more, content to take what she can get. And truthfully, there’s not much to give. I gave my all to one girl, and there’s nothing left but an emptiness- a void where my heart used to be.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m even living. Where my heart used to beat in time with Samantha’s, it barely registers in my chest now. It doesn’t speed up at the sight of a beautiful woman, or the birth of a new foal.
