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Johnny nodded, then slid his hand down my arm and wrapped his fingers around mine. He was all warmth and strength, and I curled my fingers between his, locking in as if it were normal to hold hands with him.
“There’s a secret patio out back,” he said quickly, turning then tugging me behind him, and any further words were swallowed by the white noise of fifty wolves having a great time around us.
I noted how Johnny made eye contact with a few guys as we passed. They nodded, slithered curious looks my way then moved on to other things.
We exited the main room via a partially hidden hallway that I thought was not for customers until I saw a door marked Smoking Lounge.
“We won’t be bothered here.” Johnny pushed open the door then guided me through.
I guessed no one in the pack smoked.
Or more likely, Johnny had sent a message as we walked back here together, and everyone knew not to disturb us.
I didn’t know how to feel about that. I knew expectations were running high. Despite my thoughts just a few minutes before, I was nervous to cross a line with yet another Duke brother.
The patio was decorated with fake plants and ratty couches, but it was secluded and cozy. There was a breeze from the ocean, and my senses opened to take it in.
I closed my eyes, inhaled, let the cleansing air pick up the pieces of my guilt and float them away. Ha. Right. As if it were that easy. My shame was like a crazy glue, stuck with no hope of ever unlatching. I let my breath go then looked up at Johnny.
He was wafting all kinds of concerned vibes as he led me to the couch.
“Hitting a little close to home, right?” He didn’t let my hand go as we both collapsed to the surprisingly plush seats.
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been here before.” I waved my hand around. “Not literally, obviously.”
“No, I get it.” Johnny leaned close, nudging my shoulder. “You’re full of heart, Charlie…even if you don’t want us to see it.”
I snorted in response but stifled the urge to rub my chest as if I could ease the pain in my heart from that alone.
“As much as I know you’re hitting on some nerves from your past, it means you’re connecting with the guys, and that’s what I think needs to happen.”
It didn’t take a genius to know that was what he was after by including me in today’s events. He probably had no idea just what ripping this particular scab off was doing to me, the turmoil of wanting so badly to form attachments while at the same time being terrified that I’d ruin everything again.
“I get it. What you’re trying to do, I mean.”
He laughed, looking at me with a cocked eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
“It’s not going to work,” I lied. “I won’t let you all in.” I thumped my chest with my fist. “Been there, done that.”
“Hey, give me some credit.” He raised his hands. “I’m not a big move kinda guy. I like to take things slow. Slide in softly. Ease the defenses down.” He lifted his arm, stretching wide, then laid his forearm along my shoulders.
“Very smooth.” I laughed.
He tapped my chin with two fingers, slowly tilting my head up and to the side. I locked eyes with him, a familiarity there that unnerved me.
“My only intention for tonight was to do this.” He looked at my lips, his eyes hooded, then leaned in.
I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to. It was a bandage for my wound, and I needed it.
He kissed me tenderly, slowly, lips pressed to lips, body heat activated, tingling running over my scalp and down my chest. He took it slow, just like he said he would. Moving closer. Pulling me in.
I opened my mouth to him, granting him access. A fissure opening somewhere deep as my dream life became real life, and his kiss held the passion and possession it always did.
“Johnny,” I breathed as he pulled back, forehead to my forehead. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.” His tone was so earnest, so sure. He pressed into me, kissing like he was the oxygen I needed.
No matter what he said, I knew what I was capable of, and I knew the people around me weren’t safe, so long as my beast lived within.
