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Alright, now I’m curious. “What did he say?”
“He took the stethoscope from me and went down on one knee in front of me,” Andrei continued. “Guess what he whispered into my ear.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m bad at making guesses.”
“You can never save lives. You were born to take them.”
“What the fuck?” I shuddered. “That’s an awful thing to say to a kid.”
“It was, but it did help.” He brought his legs down from the coffee table. “I never dreamed of being anything else since that day.”
Wow! It was hard to imagine Andrei had once been through stuff like that. I had it tough because I was a girl, that was what I always believed. But thinking back, there wasn’t much difference between our parents in this world.
They were still patriarchal and deemed women only worthy of being led, fucked, and for breeding. It was the twenty-first century and the world had advanced, but not in our world; women were nothing here.
The men on the other hand were traumatized as kids. Many of them had their first kill between the ages of ten to eighteen. They had to endure all kinds of torture and cruelty at such a young age.
And then they grew, had kids, and did the same to them. It was a never-ending cycle.
“You still haven’t told me the things you’d have loved to do if you weren’t who you are now.”
Andrei sighed, looking reluctant to tell me but knowing he had no choice but to tell me anyway. I wasn’t going to leave him alone till I got the answer I needed. And I wasn’t asking just to feed my curiosity, I sincerely needed to know.
“A family,” he muttered with a strain in his voice. “I think I would’ve wanted a family of my own. I wonder what it would be like to have a wife and daughters who had her eyes.”
“You have a wife.” I had no idea why I said that. I just said it. “And you can still have a family. We can have our own little family if you want.”
That was possible at least. It didn’t matter how we felt for each other. What mattered was how much we respected each other. And I’d come to like Andrei a lot so I wouldn’t mind having his children.
“How about you, Adrienne? Have you ever thought of having your own family?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t have the time to think or dream of things like that,” I said. “I envied other girls who could have such dreams, but I didn’t dare dream them myself. I was too busy trying to make up for the son my papa never had.”
We both remained quiet, mourning the lives we could never have.
“What happens after you get your revenge?” Andrei asked. “Supposing I let you go, what would you do?”
I smiled at supposedly I let you go.
“What would I do?” I asked myself out loud. “The truth is, I don’t know much outside our world. Maybe I’d set myself free and fly like the other birds. Maybe I’d just get bored and take my father’s throne.”
Andrei sat straight. He was clearly intrigued. “You’ll become the queen of the Italian mafia?”
“Yes,” I agreed with a nod. “Why? Is it so surprising to see a woman rule?”
“Not that,” Andrei replied. “You know how misogynistic people in our world are. They’ll never let you rule simply because you’re a woman.”
That was rich coming from a man who forced me to marry him at gunpoint. “Well… are you a feminist yourself?” Andrei may have grown to be nice to me, but I couldn’t trust him to see women any differently than the other men. The patriarchy was deeply rooted in their blood and the women in our world enabled it—mostly out of fear or trampled self-esteem.
I was certain I would have too if I weren’t filled with rage and the need for revenge.
He squeezed his face. “Feminist is reaching, but I don’t think I’d be opposed to a woman becoming a leader as long as she had the balls to take the heat.”
“Balls are saggy and useless,” I countered. “Look at me, I took the heat and did the dirty work while my papa and his minions took the credit for it. Violence and war aren’t the only way to rule, you now know.”
“What other ways are there? Violence is the only language they understand.”
“Because that is the only language y’all have been speaking for centuries.” And even a woman becoming queen wouldn’t stop that. But there could be limitations as well. I had no idea why I was even discussing this with Andrei since he probably wouldn’t understand anyway.
