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“All of my brothers were with me tonight. We all went.”

“What if—I mean—what if something had happened?” I am so scared thinking about how he almost died tonight. He seems so casual about all of this, but it is not normal for me. I am not used to this kind of thing. This is his world, not mine. “What if those men come after you again, Kiril? They almost killed you.”

He traces his hand across my thigh.

“Little rabbit, I am going to take care of everything. You shouldn’t worry about those things. This is for me to work out and fix.”

“Fix?” I worry about what that might mean.

“Yes. I will put an end to this entire situation. Stop thinking about it.”

“What will you do? How will you put an end to it?”

“Little rabbit, I told you to stop worrying about this. I will fix it. That’s all you need to know.”

Does that mean he is going to put himself in danger again? What if this time they succeed, and they shoot him somewhere he is not wearing Kevlar?

I will be left alone, with no one to be there for me, no one to help me raise our child.

I bite at my bottom lip and a tense frown knots my brows.

He pulls me into his arms again and I let him. “I don’t think you need this,” he says, tugging at the cord tying my robe closed. The gown falls open and his eyes trace over my naked body.

He lifts me up and moves me towards the top of the bed, lifting the covers over me before climbing in next to me.

I think about how I should stop him, how I should say no. He has been keeping secrets. How many times has he gone out at night and been in danger? What else is he not telling me?

I poured my heart out to him tonight, letting him know my fears, and now I don’t even know if his response was genuine or not. Does he really love me?

I don’t want to be played or tricked or stung along in some game that I don’t know I am a part of.

He is tracing kisses over my breasts and I find myself struggling to remember what I was thinking about. He moves his mouth over my stomach and the warmth of his breath and the trail of his tongue draws my attention away from my thoughts to my body and the growing fire in my blood.

My breath is growing heavier by the second as he moves lower down my body. His lips caress my inner thighs and his hands pull my legs apart. I gasp as he sinks his tongue into me.

Perhaps tonight I do not need to think about anything at all. Perhaps tonight I will just lose myself in him.

Chapter 18 - Kiril

In my life, I often find myself in difficult situations. I have faced danger on a number of occasions. I have come close to losing my life. I have been shot, stabbed, beaten, and even tortured. Yet I have survived it all.

This, though—what I am going through now—I am struggling with.

I am not familiar with the feelings that I am experiencing lately. Love, like this, for a girl—and I don’t even know if she feels the same way about me. A baby on the way—I am about to be a father, and my enemies are pressing in heavily with threats of taking Jennifer away from me.

I feel like I am drowning. Sinking deep into waters I have never swam in before. I don’t know how to handle it.

This is a situation I could never have prepared for.

And I feel so alone in it. Jennifer has pulled away from me again, even after the absolutely amazing night we had together.

I don’t understand it and quite honestly, I am getting frustrated trying to work it all out.

I felt for sure that if I told her honestly and openly how I felt about her, she would let her guard down and let me love her.

I opened my heart to her and told her I love her, for crying out loud. Now she is pushing me away. Or she is pulling away. What is the difference? It does not matter. I just don’t understand anything that is going on.

If anyone should be pushing someone away, it should be me pushing her. She is the one who betrayed me by planning to give my information to the enemy. She is the one who kept massive secrets from me and almost cost me my life. I have done nothing but be there for her. I have taken care of her and given her everything she needs.

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