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Finally, around five, I got up and made a pot of coffee. Then I stared at my phone for an hour, trying to decide if I should text her this early.
Now I’m sitting here an hour later, looking at the message I sent her and waiting for a response. It’s killing me. So many emotions are welling up inside me. Fear is the biggest one. I’m terrified. I can’t lose her. Not again. The first time was hard enough. This time, I think it would kill me.
Summer: I can come over. Be there in a few.
I’m relieved. She’s willing to see me. That’s a good sign. I think.
She knocks a few minutes later, and when I open the door, she looks like she slept about as well as I did.
“Hey.”
Her eyes are puffy, and her skin is blotchy. She’s been crying. It kills me to know that. She should have been in my arms so I could comfort her.
She doesn’t meet my gaze. “Hey.”
I pull her inside by her wrist and close the door. “Want some coffee? Water?”
“No. I’m good.”
The air around us is tense, and I can’t stand it, so I hold my arms open. “Baby, come here.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she whispers.
My hands fall to my sides, and I step closer to her. “Summer, talk to me. What’s going on?”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I told you last night.”
My heart squeezes so hard it’s painful. “Baby, I heard what you said last night, but it makes no sense. Why would you ever think I’d resent you?”
When she finally looks up at me, her eyes are filled with tears. “I have to take care of my mom, and I don’t think I can put her in a home. I just, I can’t do that to her. She shielded me from my father so much when I was younger. I can’t toss her into a home and go on with my life.”
I nod. “I can understand all of that. What I don’t understand is how that makes it so things wouldn’t work between us.”
A tear rolls down her cheek, and I can’t stop myself from touching her any longer. I reach out and pull her against my chest.
“I can’t be Little all the time, Dane. I can’t be the woman you want and need in a relationship,” she sobs.
“Baby, you’re all I want and need.”
She shakes her head and takes a step back until I’m no longer touching her. “You think that now, but down the road, when we can’t play on a regular basis, or I can’t follow your expectations because I have to take care of my mom, you’ll get tired of it, and you’ll start to resent me. Or her. And you deserve someone who can give you everything.”
I’m at a loss for words. How could she think I’d ever resent her or her mom?
“Summer, we can figure it out together.”
When she takes another step toward the door, it feels like my heart is cracking right down the center.
“It’s better that we stop now, Dane. For both of us. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “No. No, it’s not better to stop now. I’m in love with you, Summer. I want to be with you, and I know that includes your mom. I want to help and be there for you. The rest is a bonus. The only thing I truly want, all the way down to my bones, is you.”
She swipes her fingers over her cheeks to wipe the tears away. “It’s not that easy. I, uh…I need to go.”
Before I can say anything, she turns and rushes out of the house. I follow her outside but she’s already on her porch.
“Summer!”
Her steps slow long enough for her to look back at me. She lets out a sob and goes inside the house. When I hear the click of the door closing, my world starts to spin.
