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She pats my shoulder as she shuffles out of the kitchen. I give her the best smile I can manage, but as soon as she’s out of sight, I let out a shaky breath and sniffle. When I decided to come home to spend some time with her, I had no idea what I would be walking into. One of her neighbors, who came over every day to check on her and see if she needed anything, never told me how bad she was. So now, I’ve extended my leave at the office, which only stresses me out more. For my mom, I’ll be strong, but all I want to do is curl up in a ball, suck on my thumb, and cry myself to sleep. Why is being a big girl so hard?
I’m halfway through making our soup and sandwiches when movement out of the kitchen window catches my eye. Bent over the engine of his classic Camaro, doing who knows what with it, is the man who, all these years later, still gets my blood pumping like I just ran a marathon. The sight of him also makes my chest ache. The pain should have gone away after all these years. Why won’t it go away?
Almost as if he can feel my eyes on him, he turns his head and looks directly at me through the kitchen window. My first instinct is to duck so it doesn’t look like I was gawking at my neighbor, but I don’t do that. I can’t move. I’m frozen in place as we stare at each other for several seconds. I feel like a teenage girl all over again. Staring at him through the windows like a stalker.
“Are you smoking in there, Janet? I smell smoke,” my mom calls out.
“Ahh! Crap!” I cry as I run over to the stove. “Sorry, Mom! It was just a sandwich burning. I got distracted.”
Yeah, distracted by a hot guy whom I’ve been fantasizing about since I was a teen. What is wrong with me? I should have moved on a long time ago. Like forever ago. He didn’t want me then, and he wouldn’t want me now. He made it crystal clear to me on prom night.
After tossing the burned sandwich into the trash, I start over, but this time, I stay close to the stove so I don’t get distracted again. With the food plated, I set it all on a tray to take to the living room. As I walk in, I catch my mom reaching for the doorknob.
“What are you doing, Mom?”
She turns around, clearly surprised to see me. “Oh, Janet. You scared me. I thought you were coming over later. I was going to the store to get stuff for dinner.”
I let out a quiet sigh and set the tray down on the coffee table before going over to her. As gently as I can, I lead her back to her chair.
“Mom, there’s nearly a foot of snow outside, and I already picked up groceries for dinner. Let’s have some lunch, okay?”
Her eyes are blank as she looks at me. “Janet, why did you call me ‘Mom’? I’m your sister.”
My eyes burn with tears that are threatening to spill over, and I have to look away from the woman who raised me before I lose it. She can’t help it. Her illness is the cause. Deep down I know all of that. But I’m losing my mom a little more each day, and it hurts.
“Right. Silly me. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”
I’m exhausted. I don’t know if that word covers all of what I’m feeling. If a wind gust hit me, I’d probably fall right over. Despite all that, I’m restless. Itchy. My stomach has been hurting non-stop since I got back home. The only relief I’ve had is when I get a chance to hang out with my friends. They’ve been a lifesaver since I got back. If it weren’t for our Sunday Funday dates, I’d probably be a bigger mess than I already am.
Maybe that’s all I need. A day with my friends in Little Space where I can forget all my problems. I glance around my childhood room turned guest suite and sigh. Even after all these years, I hate being in this house. It’s like I can still hear him here. The yelling. The drunken stumbling. The crying.
Suddenly my chest tightens, and it’s stifling in here. I’m heading toward the front of the house when I run into my mom. Her shoulders are slumped as she sets a cordless phone down on the charger.
“I’m going to bed, Janet.”
I furrow my eyebrows. “Everything okay?”
She shrugs. “I keep calling Summer, but she never answers. I don’t think she wants to talk to me. Anyway, goodnight, Janet.”
As soon as she passes me, I rush out to the front porch and pull the door behind me as a sob breaks free. It’s freezing outside, and my skin prickles with goosebumps, but I don’t care. I need the shock of the cold. I need the air. I need to break down and not worry about my mom seeing me.
Big fat tears roll down my cheeks. I flick them away as quickly as they come but they won’t stop. I can’t get a hold of myself. My entire body shakes as I lose it.
2
DANE
If I get one more call to pull someone out of a ditch, I’m going to tear my hair out. Especially since most of those calls have been teenagers out joyriding in the snow. The news said to stay inside for a reason. We’re used to getting snow in Pine Hollow, but not this much all at once. Since I’m the only business in town with a tow truck, I’m the lucky one they’re calling.
When I step out of my truck, I look up and sigh. I love the way it feels like the whole world goes quiet when it snows. Everything is peaceful. Everything stops, and it gives you a second to take a breather.
The flakes are huge and fluffy as they flutter down slowly from the dark sky. A strangled sound cuts through the air. I look around, trying to find where it came from.
As soon as my gaze lands on Summer, standing on her front porch in nothing but a pair of pajama pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt, I take off running. She’s crying so hard she can’t catch her breath, and her entire body is shaking from the cold. Fuck.
“Summer! What are you doing?” I wrap my arms around her, trying to warm her up as best as I can.
She doesn’t answer me. Instead, she cries harder, and it’s breaking my heart into pieces. I can’t stand to see her like this. If I don’t do something, she’s going to start hyperventilating or get hypothermia. I need to get her inside where it’s warm.
