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“That won't happen. You are really talented, and I believe in you."
"But what if?—"
"You are smart, and you are strong, Zoe, so whatever happens, you will survive. If you are afraid that might happen, then you need to have a back-up plan in place."
She comes over and holds my hands in hers. It gives me comfort if nothing else.
"If music is what you want to do, then I know you’re going to do it, but I want you to be prepared in case anything goes wrong.”
My chest constricts. “I don’t know. There’s a little voice in my head, telling me I'm not good enough. And it won't even matter if whoever I marry will just push me to be the perfect housewife.”
“Whoever you marry might be fine with you performing.” Ava reaches out to run her hand over my back as the first tears start to roll down my cheeks.
I wipe them away, determined not to cry. “I doubt that, Aves. This guy is looking to arrange a marriage, so he is going to be a control freak who wants his wife to do whatever he wants. I'm not sure I can live my life like that anymore. I've been doing that my whole life already."
Oh god, I haven't even met my future husband, and I'm already a disappointment.
I turn my back and head to my suitcase, squishing things and pretending to be busy.
I hate having to do this. I hate having to give up my life.
But I'll do it. Today and any other day of the week. Family first. Always.
I just wish it wasn't at the expense of my dreams. My freedom.
I sit on the bed, elbows on my knees and face in my hands. "There is no way that I’m going to be able to keep working on my songs and writing an album. I may as well give up on my dreams now because they’re not going to come true.”
Ava pulls me up and into a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can find a way to get you out of this.”
Mom walks into the room. “That’s not going to happen.”
She glances around, her upper lip curling. “Why aren't you packed yet? You know how important this marriage is to your father.”
Ava spins around to face our mother. “You could have an ounce of compassion. You’re not the one being forced to marry a stranger.”
Mom arches an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips. “Zoe knew what she was doing when she agreed to help your father. Stay out of it, Ava.”
Then she turns and points her finger at me. "And you. You are a grown woman, and I expect you to start acting like it."
I’ve played the part of the perfect daughter my entire life, or tried to, at least.
And yet, nothing I do will ever be good enough for my mother.
As fire and ice battle inside me, shame and anger fighting to manifest, Ava’s face turns a bright red.
I grab her hand and pull her back.
She and Mom have never been on the same page about anything.
But unlike me, she is not shy about letting people know she is not happy.
I wish I could speak up for myself too.
Maybe this marriage can be the start of my new life. My clean slate. My chance to reinvent myself.
Mom waves her hand in the direction of my suitcase. “So, stop lazing around and finish packing your things. You’re getting married tomorrow."
Her outstretched finger turns to my sister. "And Ava, you better fall in line at the wedding. I will not have you disappointing the family yet again. It’s bad enough that you spend your days around criminals.”
