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“Zoe, I love you, and I know you love our parents, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit there and take everything they throw at you. You need to stand up for yourself, even when it comes to our parents. They’re not going to die if you tell them to give you some space.”
“Damn, Ava, why don't you tell me how you really feel?”
“See?” She points at me. “That's the kind of attitude I’m talking about. Don’t pretend that you don’t have a little bit of a backbone in there. You have no problem standing up to me when I push it too far.”
“That’s different. I know that at the end of the day you will always be there for me. Mom and Dad are different. I know they love me, but it feels wrong to go against them. It feels like I have to be the perfect daughter for them. Like I always have to prove my worth.”
“You don’t.” Ava launches herself at me in a tight hug again. “You’re perfect the way you are, Zoe. I know that this is the last thing you want to be doing, but it’s going to be okay. If you feel you have to do this, then don’t let the man you’re marrying push you around. Go into this marriage prepared to stand up for yourself. Let yourself be angry for once, okay? Promise me.”
I laugh, a couple tears rolling down my cheeks. “I promise I will let myself be angry and stand up for myself.”
But I don’t know if that is a promise I can keep. I want to be the person who goes after what she wants, the kind of person that speaks up for herself. But more often than not, I’m the kind of person who appeases others, who sacrifices for others, and it’s killing me bit by bit.
The truth is, I don’t know how to be that person. But I wish I did.
“Good.” Ava holds me at arm’s length, her own eyes watery. “I’m sorry that you have to get married. If I could change this for you, I would.”
Dad says as he appears in the doorway. “Well, good news.”
His smile stretches across his face as Ava turns to face him. The suspicion is clear in her eyes.
They’ve been fighting since she found out I'm getting married to help him.
“What? You’ve sold off her firstborn too?” Ava crosses her arms, but she looks like she’s coiled tight and ready to strike if he says the wrong thing.
“No.” Dad tucks his hands into his pockets and leans against the doorframe, his smile melting off his face. “I know you don’t agree with some of the things I have to ask the family to do, Ava, but I would appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like I need to watch my back.”
Ava shrugs and sits down on the edge of the bed. “Then don’t make Zoe get married.”
“That’s the good news." His eyes turn to me, and he smiles again. "Zoe, the wedding is off, sweetie. I’ve found another way to deal with everything going on.”
“You’re serious?” I ask, hope making me a thousand times lighter. “I really don’t have to go through with the marriage?”
“Nope. I’m sorry that I asked you to do that in the first place, honey. Everything is going to be fine, though.”
“Does that mean I can perform tonight?” I abandon my suitcases, eager to get changed and head to the bar where I’m supposed to have a gig.
Dad told me a few days ago to call the bar to let them know I wouldn’t be there, but I didn’t.
I've worked all my life to get my foot in the door of the music industry. This recurring gig is my chance.
I wasn’t going to cancel the one bar who offered me a semi-permanent half hour time slot to perform.
“Yes.” He sighs and shakes his head. “You need to think about what you’re going to do for a living. Get a real job. You’re twenty-four, Zoe. It’s time that you start going after a career and leave this silly hobby behind.”
“We can deal with that tomorrow,” Ava says, walking over to the door and giving Dad a gentle push out of the room. "Right now, we have to get ready for Zoe’s show.”
She closes the door before turning to me. Her smile is blinding as she jumps up and down squealing.
I laugh, bouncing with her before the high starts to wear off. As my eyes roam though my bedroom, falling on my packed clothing, my only thought is there is no way I'm going to bother with unpacking right now.
“What am I going to wear tonight?” I ask Ava as I start digging through one of the piles for my favorite pair of black ripped jeans. “You’re going to help me with my makeup and hair, right?”
Ava laughs and tugs on a lock of my hair. “I’m sure I can do something with this for you. I also brought a new crop top with me you’re going to love. It’s a little black bustier. It was going to be an I’m sorry you have to get married against your will gift, but since that’s not happening, now it's an I’m so glad you don't have to get married against your will gift.”
I laugh.
As I hurry to get ready, I'm on cloud nine.
