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He shrugs. “I just had it on me.”
“Except that you’ve never worn it since.”
“I guess not.” He stares at his hand. “I don’t always wear the same rings, wife.”
And I suppose that’s it, as far as the answer I’ll get from him. But I’m starting to understand him better, and I know that he gives me direct answers when he wants to. He’s vague when he’s trying to hide something, or maybe when there’s something he can’t tell me. I don’t know which is which, but I do know that the Shadow Ring is important. Whose magic would he like to disrupt? His brother’s, of course. But why did he have it on him that day? I need to figure it out.
But then, if it’s true that it can block just one person’s magic, I can see how it’s not a good weapon when you’re going to a coronation where you could face many potential enemies.
We ride in silence for some time, until I hear other hooves behind and in front of us. I don’t want to stick my head outside, but I try to look. It’s useless because I don’t have a good angle to see behind me.
“We’re in the Court of Bees,” he says. “And there are more fae coming. You didn’t think we were the only guests, did you?”
“No, but you talk about enemies and all that, I wanted to check.”
“True. Let’s get out.” He knocks on the roof three times, and then our carriage halts.
After opening the door, he extends an arm to me. I’m painfully aware he’s not glamoured and is very obviously looking like Marlak, but at least he doesn’t have the light anymore, so maybe the coachman won’t notice.
I hold his forearm, and we descend. This is a pebbled road, with some carriages ahead and behind us. There’s a castle down there, made of white marble, with steep silver spires. It’s not big, but still quite majestic for what is considered a minor court.
Down there, in front of the castle, two small ponds reflect the reddish light from dozens of bonfires. I can smell a pleasant scent of smoked rosemary and roasted meat—and then terror seizes me.
Everything turns black around me, and all I can feel is fear, horror, dread. Then there’s fire, so much fire, and all I want to do is run, disappear, all the while feeling that my heart might kill me at any moment, going faster and faster, about to explode.
20
I’m falling into a pit of nothingness and pain, surrounded by murderous fire, consumed with self-loathing. All I want is for this feeling to stop, but it never does. The pain goes on and on and on, something ripping me from the inside out, as if my soul was being cut into pieces. Not even any physical pain compares to that. I’m drowning in dread, suffocated in terror, while the flames of shame consume me.
Darkness. Nothing. And fire. So much fire. My only hope is for death to take me. But I need to undo this. I need to fix it. And yet I’m in so much pain.
I’m disgusted with myself, as if my body was a rotten corpse I had to wear. Disgusted, horrified, consumed by eternal, everlasting pain. If only it could stop.
“She’ll light your way.” The priestess’s voice comes to me.
Light. How can I think about light when fire is so evil?
“This light is not evil,” another voice says. “Trust it.”
Light. I need light to come out of this. Light will protect me and guide me.
Instead of fire, I try to imagine light around me, protecting me, surrounding me. Light healing those horrible feelings.
I open my eyes.
There’s no fire around me, no magic, no danger. I’m at the edge of the road to the Court of Bees castle. Our carriage is moving away, and Marlak is in front of me, shaking, his hands covering his face.
I realize it then.
Those were his feelings.
“Come,” I say softly, and pull his arm, careful not to touch his skin, afraid I’ll slip into his thoughts.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out of that stupor if it happens again. Still, I guide him away from the road, so that we’re alone among trees, where nobody will see us.
“Marlak. Husband,” I say softly. “It’s not real.” It might be real for him—a memory. I add, “Right now. You’re safe.”
His breathing is ragged, and I don’t know if this vision could harm him. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever had, but I don’t know how to get him to come back from this.
