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Sensing something wrong, Jules stayed in her chair. “About what?”
Alea cleared her throat. “She’s gone.”
“Gone?” It was like a big black hole was swallowing her up. “How can she be gone?”
“If you’re worried about the car, it’s fine. She’s going to leave it at the pub. I’ll take you back and Am can get the car in the morning.”
“I’m not worried about the damn car,” Jules said, insides squeezing up tight and hard to make space for the big new feeling growing inside her. Making room for her anger and sadness all swirled together.
Alea tilted her head. “I’m sorry, Jules. Really sorry. But she left. Said something about it being better for you, about you having to try less hard around me than you did around her. I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t listen.”
The tears prickled in her eyes and she blinked them away furiously. “She wouldn’t listen because she didn’t want to listen, because she wanted to go.”
“I’m not sure that’s true. I don’t think she wanted to go at all. I think she thought she was doing the right thing for you. I think she thought she was sacrificing something to make you happy.”
“Really? Well too bad for her that she knew me so little that she thought this would possibly be something she should do.”
Alea bit her lip then took Jules’s hand. “Jesus, your mum. I forgot.”
“I didn’t.”
“Jules, Billie isn’t your mum. She’s not walking out never to be seen again. She’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know the woman. But I’m sure she has her reasons. I’m sure there’s logic in her own head. You should just find her, talk to her.”
Another band had taken the stage and begun tuning up. Jules shook her head. “I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t want to be around anyone that could hurt me like this, anyone who can just walk out without a second glance.”
“Jules…” Alea said.
“Fine,” said Jules. “I don’t want to talk to her right now. Happy?”
“Fair enough,” said Alea. “But I’d seriously think through whether or not you really want her out of your life for good. She didn’t seem like the most confident person in the world. And she really did sound like she thought she was doing this for your own good.”
“I’m not ready to talk about this,” Jules said as the band struck a loud opening chord.
“Then how about I take you home,” said Alea.
“You must have things to do here,” began Jules.
Alea shook her head. “I have time to run you back. I’ll come back later, they might let us play again around midnight.”
Jules started to protest, but Alea was pulling her up and out of her seat, wrapping her in thin arms, holding her tight. Just weeks ago, Jules would have been thrilled at this kind of contact. Now she stood as still as wood, letting herself be held, letting the sadness and the pain wash over her.
THE VAN PULLED up in front of the little terraced house. “You know,” Alea said. “You might want to have a good long think about the truth and how important it is.”
“What exactly is that supposed to mean,” Jules snapped.
“Well, you lied about playing the piano and look how that turned out. Maybe you should go with the truth this time, maybe you should find Billie and tell her how you feel about everything, including her walking out on you like that.”
“You might want to have a think about interfering in other people’s lives,” said Jules.
Alea patted her hand. “It’s only because I care. You going to be alright?”
Jules sniffed and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks for the lift, I really appreciate it. And I do know that you care.”
“Look after yourself, Jules. I mean that.”
Jules nodded numbly and climbed out of the van.
She waited and waved while Alea drove away, and then, only then, did she let go. She loosened the tight band inside herself and the instant she did, the tears began to come.
