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“There’s not much to tell,” Jules said, twisting her fingers together. “We were getting acquainted and then she just walked out.”
“Better that way,” Jim said. “Less trouble all around.”
“Right, I forgot that you’re Mr. Never Be Tied Down.”
For a second it looked like her grandfather was going to get angry, something that she’d seen so rarely that it made Jules’s stomach swirl, then he shook his head like he was shaking the anger out of himself.
“Fair enough, never been the touchy feely type, I suppose, not been a great example on that front.” He sat in silence for a moment, the cigar crackling between his fingers. “It did hurt, you know. Don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that before.”
“What did?” Jules said, leaning forward a little.
“You don’t remember your gran,” he said in response. “And before you go telling me, I know it was all my own fault. I know I had the bits on the side and I was never home and all the rest of it. I know I wasn’t a model husband. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. Didn’t love her. Not sure what tense that’s supposed to be in.”
Jules swallowed. He never really talked about his wife. Jules and Amelia had never met her. All they knew was that she’d walked out one day. For a while they’d been concerned that she might be buried under the garden shed. With Jim, you never knew.
“Didn’t tell anyone, of course,” Jim said. “Except you now. And I don’t really know why I’m telling you, except…”
“Except?” Jules asked.
He sighed and sat back in his chair, stretching his legs out. “Getting old isn’t as bad as they say. Not if you’ve set yourself up properly. Like me in here, this is better than anything I had on the outside. But it does give you time to think, time to consider and take stock.”
“Time to regret?” Jules offered.
He grinned. “Got plenty of those. But who doesn’t? You live a long life, you gotta make choices, and with every choice there’s a little bit of regret left for the option you didn’t choose, you know?” He sighed. “And then there’s the big ones.”
“Like gran,” guessed Jules.
“I should have gone after her. I knew where she was. I should have chased her down and promised to reform my ways and the like. But I didn’t.” His face creased with memory. “I didn’t because I didn’t think I could or should.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that she’d made her decision by walking out and I didn’t think it was my place to change her mind. I thought that if she wanted to come back then she’d be back. Stupid really. Didn’t consider the fact that she might actually want me chasing her down, that she might need me to show her that she was that important to me.”
Jules considered this for a second. Did Billie need her to chase her down? It made sense, knowing Billie. But then, Billie was also stubborn as hell and might just slam the door in her face.
“I’m doing a bad job of this,” Jim said. “I’ve never been good at the emotional stuff. You were lucky to have Amelia to deal with that side of things.” He sniffed. “Listen, what I mean is, well, this Billie Brooke, do you like her? And I mean really like her.”
Jules thought about sitting at Billie’s dinner table. She thought about Billie driving her to the club. She thought about Billie’s orders and sarcasm, about the spiky front that she put up to guard herself. She thought about the way her hair looked in the light and the way her eyes could soften, the way her breath would catch in her throat.
She thought about how much she wanted to see Billie every day, how the piano lessons had somehow become the high point of her days. She thought about holding Billie’s hand.
And then she thought about never having or seeing or feeling those things again and felt so empty and dark inside that it scared her.
Somewhere along the way she’d fallen for Billie Brooke.
“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I like her.”
“Then go and get her back,” Jim said, putting the cigar behind his ear. “Or at least talk to her. Don’t be a fool. You’ve got a tongue in your mouth. Use it.” He sniffed again. “Mind you, I’d probably give her a couple of days to cool off if I were you. You don’t want anything said in anger.”
Jules felt warm again, felt the heat returning to her limbs. “Think it’s that simple, do you?”
He shrugged. “Why wouldn’t it be? If I learned anything it’s that people over-complicate things enough. If you like the woman go and tell her. If she likes you back, it’ll be fine. If not, well, other things will come, won’t they?”
Jules squinted at him. “You’re seeming awfully satisfied with yourself.”
“It’s my birthday,” he said airily. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you hate birthdays.”
