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Kelly
Three months later…
It’s been six months since Enzo and I initially started dating; now it feels all so normal for him to be in my house with me. His whistling reaches me from the bedroom, where I’m seated as he does the laundry to wash the sheets after the steaming, wet sex fest we’d just had.
The last time I tried talking to him about his mom, his reaction was not much of an improvement from the first time, so I gave up on the idea. Getting him to open up is the hardest thing to do. I know when to pick my battles and bow out of the ones I can’t win.
Enzo had closed off immediately after sex; although I knew he was trying to be as present as he could after I had reminded him of what was a painful memory, a certain part of him was absent. I know it’s only a matter of time before I want more than what I’m willing to settle for right now. I decided to never ask him about his mother again and never get serious with him. Our relationship would be strictly sexual until one of us moves on.
Despite my decision, it’s been so hard to truly carry on. Despite my best attempts to make sure I never fall madly and utterly in love with him, I know I’m cracking. I still go on dates with my other boyfriends; however, now when we’re together, I see it more as a means to hand out than an actual date. So far, the men have become more friends than anything else. Hanging out with them feels like meeting up with friends who care about me, as opposed to romantic partners.
I resist the urge to bury my head in my pillow and scream until I don't have to deal with how helpless I feel anymore. The ones who dish out personal details without hesitation are the ones I just want to have fun with, no strings attached. But the one person I want to know everything about can't give me the inside scoop.
The others have noticed the shift in me. It’s always been my rule never to mention one man while on a date with another since I believe they all deserve equal time. However, I’ve been breaking rules recently. Over the past two months, I’ve begun to unintentionally mention Enzo in conversations. I’d caught myself the first few times it happened. Now, I only notice when their eyebrows raise or they stare at me with strange expressions.
So far, they’ve been able to tell I’m not the same person I was when we first met, and I hate it. I squeeze my eyes tightly as I remember the last time I had hung out with Miles.
“What is it?” I ask him when he stops me mid-conversation with a concerned look.
He shakes his head and takes a sip of his coffee. “I feel like you’re finally getting ready to settle down because of how you’ve been feeling.”
His words sting, not because they are true but because I’m uncertain. Will I truly be settling down if Enzo cannot open up and tell me about the things I wish to know? Am I ready to only possess a part of him while he holds the rest of his cards close to his chest and away from me?
I pause when he smiles. “You’re thinking of him even now,” he says factually.
I shake my head, not to deny it but to shake off Enzo and the feelings he stirs inside of me.
“What makes you say that ?” I ask him.
Ever the gentleman, Miles says nothing, only smiling. His smile carries a touch of sadness, and the concern in his eyes for me is evident. "I just hope you're making the right choice in deciding who to be with."
His words and the reservations I already share bring up my hackles.
“It’s not true. I’m not feeling that way,” I say, suddenly defensive.
Miles lets it go and I sigh, knowing despite my refusal, he spoke only the truth.
“Your mind is elsewhere, Kelly,” Jenna says, bringing me out of my deep thoughts.
I mask my shock, remembering what I was doing. Their voices had faded away as I got carried away by my problems. I smile sheepishly, feeling a little guilty.
“Sorry, I haven’t had enough sleep,” I say. My answer met with wiggling eyebrows and knowing looks.
“Guys, come on. It’s not that,” I say in a whiny tone when they giggle among themselves. I hold back my sigh. I want to talk about my situation with Enzo; but with him being in the house, there’s a chance he could hear us, and that’s the last thing I want.
Despite the urgency of it, I push it away.
“Mm-hmm, sure darling,” Louisa says, disbelieving.
“Stop ganging up on her now. At least, someone is getting some,” Alessia chimes in, not the least grossed out that it’s her brother they’re alluding to.
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I’d have thought Michael would be all over you.”
“Oh, he is all over me, that’s for sure… but there’s never any time to do anything,” she groans. “Jenna, how did you do it? You always made it look so easy, but it’s possibly the most difficult task I’ve ever handled.”
“It’s not easy. I can never say it is, but you have Michael with you. He’s a helpful guy so you’ll at least be spared half the time. Babies require attention and will continue to for a long time. You just have to suck it up and try to enjoy the process,” Jenna advises. “There are some days when you’ll look back on all of it with fondness.”
“Or maybe not, but it’s good to think you will,” I interject, pouting playfully when they all shush me.
